Not what I expected

I am sitting here in front of my computer thinking about what to say. I have a hundred things strolling in my mind. But honestly not one of them is something I want to share. I have really had a hard time expressing my self in words lately. I am not sure why, I love to write, I love journal writing. But honestly, I am not sure what I expect. Maybe it is not about what I want, but what He wants. I am reading a book right now called, "The Ragamuffin Gospel." I guess sometimes my day become mundane and I am not sure what I need from it. "Why am I afraid to dance? I love rhythm and music, grace, song and laughter. I want to raise my arms in the air and yell I am free, I am free. Twirl around and smell the air. But I do not, I stand straight and I do not move. I mourn relationships and I say good-bye to loved ones. But what about in between? What do I do, how do I live? I have to live for God, I have to further God's kingdom, not that I have too, but that I desire too. I want it more than breath, or air, or sky, or creation, but to feel Him in my heart and dancing with me.

Feeling the safety of His arms and the thoughts melting away from me. I looking at Him and He looking at me, the creator, the ultimate provider. He is everything, Not what I expected in life, but He is there and He waits for me to be there also. Amen