Realization of God

Well, I have to admit that last week was a very trying and long week. From the first of it all the way to Thursday, I suffered such great fear. I have never in my life experienced fear as I did. It was just paralyzing, I felt walls on all sides of me and finally on Thursday after so much crying out to God, I went to Jeff and fell apart. I really can not tell you the many events that happened. That is not important, I want to share with you what I learned through it all.

First, I learned that I needed to trust in God and His word. I have been in Lamentations this week and Jeremiah is crying out to God for Jerusalem. Jeremiah has not once blamed God for the fall, he knows were it began and even takes on some of the responsibility. The first two chapters are on the fall and captivity of Jerusalem, it is not until I reached chapter three that I see the hope of God. Such hope and such peace even through all the turmoil.

This is where my life took a turn, see God is always here for me. He is the one I go to first, before a friend, even before Jeff. But this week God made it very clear to me to go to Jeff and I needed to make Jeff know that I needed us to work as a unit. After I fell apart, Jeff opened up to me about things that he is struggling in and we prayed. I think sometimes we get so caught up in our roles as wife or husband that we forget that we are one.

The day that I took my vows, I do not think I took them as seriously as I do now. They are very strong words and the more I hear them at other weddings, or I think about them. The more I realize that they are not just a commitment to Jeff, but I made that commitment to God as well.

So, you may be asking yourself what does all this have to do with anything. Simple, if I had just trusted God at His word, fear may not of been as bad as it was. Jeff and I need to pray more together and start taking time for our marriage and work as a unit. And most of all, hope, hope through this time of our life and not let the world get it's foot in the door. To be covered by the Lord.