Well, it is that time again, the farmers are harvesting their fields and the air is turning a little more crisp. The night sky looks like millions of diamonds and the sweaters are coming out. I just love this time of the year, the leaves are in bright colors of yellow, red, orange and brown and the trees become naked for the winter. I have really been praying about change in my life, I believe change is important in my life. I never want to be the same person I was long ago. But as I have been praying, I am realizing that there are some questions in my heart that I will never get answers too. And I realize that these questions are very important to me, I do not believe that if I do not get an answer I will turn away from God, but I really wish that I had been at a place to ask my mother when she was alive.

I believe that it is important to be honest and just ask the questions. No matter how much it may hurt the other person. Silence is not as golden as it is claims to be. And most of all secrets, secrets can destroy a family, friendship, marriage and parenting in a matter of seconds. It is not good to hold on to things. And really, I believe that recently I have looked at the character I have become. I am not impressed with who I am, I could be more honest, less guilty and full of shame and more loving. And not one of these characters can I achieve on my own, they have to be achieved through Christ Jesus. I have also realized that some of my actions or behaviors stem right back to my relationship with God.

For example, when envy invades my heart, am I truly envious of the person or am I envious because I see blessing from God going to that person and I feel that I have not been blessed? How about anger, is it towards that other person or do I have a lack of trust with God? I believe God gave us His emotions, but they come right back to Him. It is interesting, I have seen God in a whole new way and I want every part of me to be worshiping God. It is amazing what I find when I open my heart more and more to Him, He was made to be worshiped and He deserves all my love. So, this fall is going to be different, I will trust in the Lord, worship with all my heart, soul, mind and body and lay all my questions and cares at His feet. Amen.