Oh, I can not believe that I have not blogged in so long. I think it is time to start back up. I have felt like I am just existing right now and I need to get my feelings out. We had a dear relative die this week, and I have to tell you I am so happy for her because she is sitting next to Jesus right now. But, I am also upset with myself for letting business stop me from seeing her while she was alive. I have dealt so with this guilt all week. I know that guilt is not of God and my relative would not be so happy to know that this is my sorrow right now. But I have to confess that guilt was there before she died. So much has been going on in my life and I have felt guilty about many things. The board and I have made the decision to close the doors of the center. Now, we will be available for emergencies. But the doors of the pregnancy center will be closed. And I feel guilty about this. Of all the people that have been directors I closed it. It is eating me inside and I feel like I have not only let others down, but that I let God down. And through all of this guilt I have built a wall of shame around myself. Like the scarlet letter, I have a big G planted on me. I really need your prayers for healing and I just need to pull down this wall. It is something I am going through right now. And I hope that all of you do know that God closes window and opens door.

I have also learned this week that this is where satan gets me. He gets me with guilt. He uses everything to make me stumble. My conversations, my relationships, my feelings towards God. He knows just what to do, and frankly I am tired of it. I need prayer for this bondage to be broken. I am tired of this bondage and I want a new life and be a new creation in God. Please just pray for me this week. I hope that this touches someone, God has many promises of freedom from bondage and I believe that guilt is one of them. God bless all of you and thanks for the prayers. Love Tanya

*Note: there was a misspelled word and it made the post look weird. I am writing Thank you notes to women who have let me pamper them through Mary Kay. Sorry.

I have been thinking about praising and Thanking God. When I was in basic training in the Army, every Sunday I would go to church and come back to the barracks and write countless letters to friends and family. I remember at the time asking for prayers to make it through and I would thank God everyday that I made it through another day of basic. I am now writing out Thank you notes to women who have given me a chance to pamper them. It is so cool to write out my feeling to them and let them know how much I appreciate them. I wonder to myself how often I do this to God.

How many times in a day do I thank God? I fall short sometimes in thanking God for every opportunity. For instance, how many times do I thank God for a green light, when in actually I should thank God for that red light. It gives me time to pray or look around me. Thank God for every breath that I take or thanking God for those diving appointments.

I have found things about myself lately that I am not sure I really like. I have been thanking my Lord for these revelations. In actuality I can not change on my own, I have to have God with me the whole way. Thank yous and praise are so important in my walk with God, I am thankful for breath and red lights. Most of all I am thankful that God shows me my downfalls. How could I ever change to be a better person if I did not listen to God.

In the end, I am not perfect and I do not want anyone to view me as such. I am a person who is walking this earth until the day I am face to face with my awesome savior. Until then, I am going to get to know Him and I am going to live my life to please only Him. I THANK YOU GOD for showing me all of your ways. Love Tanya

Warning for Iowa

Iowa Right To Life has sent out this warning and I posted it on The Pregnancy Centers Blog I find it a little disturbing.

I just wanted to thank all of you who have been praying for me. I am really feeling better. But most of all, I have realized that I do not want to bolt or run from my problems. I want to face them dead on with the protection and help from God. I have realized that I need to place all my faith and trust in the Lord. He will get me through everything. I need to love, but not place all my trust and faith in people. Love is the answer. Thank you for the prayers, it really helped me to focus on my Lord. Love Tanya

I have been a little under the weather lately. So, I will have to make this short. I just need some prayers right now. I have been struggling with some discontent. I was doing really good and lately I have been struggling. I really believe it has to do with bolting and not facing things. I was taught by the best on how to run when you see trouble. I believe God is making me stand and face it. I am torn and I just need prayer right now. I do not want to be the person I was, instead I need to be the person I am in Christ. Keep me in prayer and I hope that I will be able to share soon. Love all of you. from Tanya