Walk Daily For Truth

Some special gals

2012-01-14T19:26:00.001-06:00

I have to tell you about a group of special friends. I have been going to a Bible Study on Friday night for sometime and I have blessed by some awesome and gifted ladies. The last couple of years have been a blessing and I have seen God moving through these women. We had our Christmas party last night and I was so blessed by the sharing, the laughter and the safety and security of their presents. I can not wait for this year and watching the growth in their lives and what God will do in my life! Happy New Year and may you relationship with God grow and grow.

P/S. Bible Study Sisters, I love each and everyone of you!

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.3

Some of my projects for Christmas

2011-11-19T00:13:00.006-06:00

I really like to cross stitch, and this year I have been really busy with some of my projects. I am not going to give to many details of some of these, because they are for some special people.

I can not remember the person who helped me start cross stitching. And it has taken me several years to get confident enough to not follow a template or a certain design. I took many different ideas for this one, I did use some designs in a magazine for this one.

But the one below, I did that on my own. I really like how it turned out. I like to cross stitch

because I can just sit some where and stitch, talk to people or listen to music. I love to look at a blank piece of muslin and imagine what will take shape from it. Well, that is all I have to show today, I hope you enjoy them. Tanya

Heaven is for Real

2011-10-26T20:28:00.003-05:00

Last Friday I went to a friends for fellowship and while I was there one of my friends recommended this book called, "Heaven is for Real" by Todd Burpo. It is not like one of those books that makes Jesus an Indian man and the Father a black women, etc etc. It is a story of a 3 and a half year old that has an appendicitis and while in surgery he visits Heaven. I know, it sounds crazy right, trust me, it is good. And I wonder why we can believe that John goes to Heaven but a three year old can not? Read the book, it is good, I had it read in two days. I have to say honestly that I did doubt this while I read it, but I walked away from the reading really excited about going to Heaven. And most of all wondering who will be there when I get there? Well worth the read. Tanya

Thought Life

2011-10-19T17:41:00.005-05:00

Oh, this has been a really long week with my thought life. I have been running some past information in my head, dissecting it and moiling it over. It is about to drive me crazy. I have been reliving my past in terms of my thought life, but I have realized how I need to get some of those bad thoughts and old actions out of my life and hold on to the dear ones. I am not perfect, but that is why God gives up the full Armour of Him. So that we can equip ourselves with it and protect ourselves from the things around us.

I will be honest, this has been a week of baby steps also. I have a habit of jumping into things with both feet and then jumping right back out of it. Making all kinds of excuses and reasons to walk away from it. I do not want to jump into growth with God and then jump back out because I am afraid of change or lack of trust. I have realized that I need to take one step at a time. So, that is what I am doing, I am slowly giving it to God and releasing myself to Him. I pray for change and real fruit in my life. I do not want to go by the numbers or think that I am growing and in reality I am just running on a treadmill. Growth is needed and I do not want to look any where, but up. So, this is why I am covering myself with the Full Armour and going to pray without ceasing. This is the two areas in my life that I have not been diligent in. Please pray, not just for me, but for yourselves. We are to grow and produce fruit. Ask yourself if you are producing and growing. And no matter what, cover yourself with prayer, and protection. This is important: be in the word always and grow and know your savior. Starting now, the thought life is God's, because I am not strapping myself to more burdens. Tanya

Here are some scriptures to ponder on: Ephesians 6:11, James 1:6-8, Isaiah 55:2, 2 Cor. 10:5, Matt. 12:36, Eph. Chapter 4, Gal. 5:22, Heb. 4:12, 2 Cor 5:19, 1 Thess. 1:17 and John 3:16

Great Family Films

2011-10-09T02:56:00.008-05:00

Jeff and I have Netflixs with instant play. I really enjoy it. The other night I was on You Tube looking at another Christian film when I ran across this one. I realized that I had this film in my Que on Netflixs. So, I went to watch it. It is about five people with really ruff lives and they get stranded in the middle of no where. But as God would have it, He opens a diner for them. This was such a good movie, the people have such hard questions for Him and yet he answers each one with love and grace. Well worth your time to watch, and for those who have some tough questions and are struggling with faith, excellent movie. Some of the cast consist of Jacki Velasquez, Bruce Marchiano, and Steve "Sting" Borden. If you have seen the "Matthew" movies, you will recognize Bruce Marchiano. Bruce portrays Jesus in the film. Very Good movies, except I would not try to watch "Matthew" in one day, very long film.

Our new little one

2011-10-04T15:25:00.004-05:00

This is our little man, is he not precious. This is Jackson Abraham Comstock Gates, He weight 10lbs 6oz and 22 inches long. He is so awesome.

Here is mom, dad and Jackson.

Birthday Bash and learning

2011-09-11T11:32:00.004-05:00

Well, yesterday Jeff and I took the kids to Council Bluffs to celebrate Melanie's birthday. It just blows my mind that my baby has turned 14. I just can not believe how fast time is going by. Any ways, we took her to Target, Walmart and Game Stop to shop, she had some money to spend. Then we ate at Sonic, oh their Malts are so good. Afterwards, we all walked across the parking lot to the Salvation Army Thrift Store. Just a wonderful day with my husband and kids. I love the time with them, it is going to be a short time and Luke will be off with his own life and soon his own family. It is amazing to me to see them grow up and move on, and yet a side of me is grateful that they are. It is weird sometimes being a parent. But in the years that I have been a parent, I would never change a thing about it. I have learned through my mistakes and learned something new everyday. I am still learning and soon I will have to learn how to be a parent to children that are married, I told ya, the learning never ends. I am learning right now how to let go of the control, it is time to let God take over. Every minute of the day is learning and letting go. Time marches on and we have to march with it. Tanya

Celebrating a new life

2011-09-05T18:03:00.007-05:00

Well, this weekend the family and I took a trip to Des Moines to celebrate the coming of a new life. My Nephew Craig and his gal Alisha are expecting a baby within the next couple of weeks. How exciting to be waiting for the new arrival. It was an interesting day to say the least, it rained off and on all day and was very humid. But we made it and had a good time. There was plenty of food and cake, and after eating we watched the new parents open gifts.

Here is Craig, Alisha and Melanie walking in to the Shower.

Here is Craig and Alisha opening up presents, they are so cute and funny. I think Craig had more fun opening up gifts.

Alisha is suppose to be on bed rest, so she was pretty tired. She was a trooper and she did really good. She has such a wonderful smile and was really cheery. Craig is so funny, he always makes me laugh. He is a good guy. I can not help but think back to when Jeff and I were expecting Luke. The fear, the lack of knowledge, wondering if we were going to be good parents or not. It is really nice to be able to sit back and see new parents go through that and we are able to be there for them.

Here is Luke, Grandpa Ross, Grandma Ross, Brooke and Melanie. Boy all the kids have grown up so fast. Time goes so quickly.

The Kingdom is within me

2011-07-24T15:34:00.003-05:00

Good after noon to all, I am floored at how fast this day has gone. And yet I feel so blessed today. It is so beautiful outside, even thought it is so hot, the sun it shinning and it is beautiful. Anyway, I was not going to post this because I have been praying on it, but for some reason I feel a deep need to blog about it, so here it goes.

I am in this Friday night group of women, who are dear to me and I am blessed to be in there group. We have been doing a study on Esther by Beth Moore. I have to be honest, at first I was not sure I wanted to do this study by Beth Moore, but I prayed about it and I am glad I stayed. This study is really touching me. Week four day four really touched me, I recommend you read the book of Esther. Where I will be is Chapter 4, this is where Mordecai just finds out about the decree that the king releases ordering the destruction of the Jews. He goes before the gate of the kingdom dressed in sack clothe and wailing out loud. Esther hears about it and send him clothes and wonders what is going on.

Through the conversation between the gate, Mordecai reminds Esther that she is a Jew and she is in a position to talk to the King. Beth then takes me through a series of scriptures to show me God's truth and how I believe it effects my life. She wants to have me tell a little about the scripture and if I see the scriptures as Figuratively, Spiritually, Literally or Not at all applying to my life. As I am going through each scripture and figuring out how I see it, I come upon one scripture that just floors me. Luke 17:20-21 "And when he was demanded of the Pharisees, when the kingdom of God should come, he answered them and said, The kingdom of God come not with observation. Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there! for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you." I had to read it a couple of times and then I just grabbed my Life Application Bible and I looked it up in the study below. This is what I got from it. The Kingdom of Heaven is not a location on a map, it is within us, through the spirit. I will be there when I die, but until then it is here within me along with the spirit.

This blew my mind, I knew that the spirit is within me from the moment that I excepted Jesus as my savior, but I had no idea the whole kingdom was there. WOW! So of course I marked "Literally" on my scale. But besides sharing this awesome revelation with you, I wanted to tell you one last tidbit of information. This is a quote by Beth Moore, "You have royal blood in a way that even Esther did not. The crimson bloodline of Christ flows through your veins." You have something that Esther did not even get, you have Jesus. She had God and the knowledge that she is Jewish, but we have the everlasting promise of eternal life and the instant forgiveness of sins just by confessing. That is lots to chew on.

God used Esther in mighty ways, and in my same breath I am going to encourage you all the same. God can use you in mighty ways, after all, you are holding two keys within you already, the spirit and the Kingdom of Heaven. How awesome is that? Love Tanya

Follow Jesus on Twitter - or what it would have been like :-)

2011-07-22T16:05:00.000-05:00

I orginally seen this on my Face book page. I love to tweet and read others comments. But when I sit down to watch this, it really hit me how he stood his ground, even when people unfollowed him. Not that there was Twitter in his time, but how many of us would of un followed him? Interesting question.

A Baloney Sandwich

2011-07-21T13:49:00.001-05:00

"Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be pare takers of the divine nature." 2 Peter 1:4a

I have been wondering lately where I need to go? What is my purpose, what do I do? I have prayed and lifted it to God "Show me your way oh Lord."

So, today I was at the center and I was going through my training manual when I stumbled upon this in the front of my notebook. It is a story written by Bob Benson called, "A Baloney Sandwich"

Bob starts talking about being invited to a church picnic where everyone brings their own food. The church provides the drinks. He would procrastinate and get home to fine one wrinkled baloney slice, two crusty pieces of bread and a little dab of mustard left.

He makes his sandwich places it in a brown paper bag and heads to the picnic, when he gets there he ends up sitting with the family who made all of this food. Fried chicken, potato salad, baked beans, homemade buns and two chocolate cream pies. As he sits there looking at his crusty baloney sandwich, he hears the women say "why don't we just put it all together?"

"No, I could not do that," He replies.

Where she returns with an instanced "nonsense" and puts all the food together before he could protest further. After grace they all started munch in down on the abundance set before them. Even the crusty old sandwich.

I know what you are thinking right at this moment, why would Tanya blog about a crusty old baloney sandwich? Here is why, after the story Bod shares an epiphany:

"One day, it dawned on me that God had been saying that sort of thing to me. "Why don't you take what you have and what you are, and I will take what I have and what I am, and we'll share it together." I began to see that when I put what I had and was and am and hope to be with what He is, I had stumbled upon the bargain of a lifetime."

I get to thinking sometimes, thinking of me sharing with God. When I think of how little I bring, and how much He brings and invites me to share, I know that I should be shouting to the house tops, but I am so filled with awe and wonder that I can hardly speak. I know I don't have enough love or faith or grace or mercy or wisdom, but He does. He has all of those things abundance and He says, "Let's just put it all together."

Thank you Bob, I started thinking about my life. Am I being stingy with what God gave me, am I not giving to God to share. I believe I am holding on to dear life and I am not giving to God. Then if this story did not just hit me between the eyes, Bob goes on further with a challenge.

When I think about it like that, it really amuses me to see somebody running along through life hanging on to their dumb bag with that stale baloney sandwich in it saying, "God's not going to get my sandwich! No, sire, that is mine!" Did you ever see somebody like that-so needy- just about half starved to death yet hanging on for dear life. It's not that God needs your sandwich, the fact is , you need His chicken. You have been invited to something better, you know. You have been invited to share in the very being of God.

Awesome Bob, God is good and He is just waiting for me to figure it out. Okay God, you get my sandwich, cause that chicken does look good. How's your sandwich, would you rather have the chicken?

Love always, Tanya

What a busy Year!!!

2011-07-19T17:12:00.000-05:00

Well, by my last post, it has been a while. I have been so busy with planning Luke's graduation. Getting ready for family to move or visit and the end of the year. I have also experienced some health issues. But all in all, it has been a wonderful year. Like I said, Luke and my niece Tasha graduated in May. It was an awesome time for family, friends and fellowship. I have to say that I was so surprised by all the people that showed up to the graduation. I am so glad that Jeff and I decided to move to Red Oak. I love the support of this small town. I do not think that I would of even been this far in my life and walk with God if it had not been for all of this support. I am blessed.
Here is Melanie at the airport picking up the grandparents. We had had some really bad storms and this puddle in the airport parking lot was so tempting to jump in. So Melanie did. She was so wet that we had to go to Walmart and get her another pair of pants. But it was fun.

Here is Luke, Jeff, Melanie and I on the day of the graduation. Luke wanted Jeff to wear his Cookie Monster attire for the graduations. Jeff did all the presentation of the graduation dressed like this. Funny. We had a really good day and the turn out was awesome. I have to thank all the family for the help you gave us. We could not of done it without ya. And I was so glad to have my sister Charlene and her family be a part of the day. And I am glad that Tasha graduated with Luke. We love ya girl.

Here is my son Luke and my niece Tasha. They look so grown up. I have to tell ya that on the day of Luke's graduation, I was so blessed by one dear friend. You know who you are, thanks for letting me cry on your shoulder. It is so over whelming to watch your baby make such a plunge. And yes, I did wonder, did I do enough to help him in his future, will he make it, can he make it. And you are right, it is in God's hands now. He will always be my boy, always my baby, but God has to lead him in his way.

As far as my health goes, I will have to go in next month for some out patient surgery. But it will only be one day and all is going to be good. Thank you for all of your prayers and I have missed my blogging community. I hope to spend more time here. Love all of you. Love Tanya

Seven Percent Only

2011-02-05T18:41:00.000-06:00

Craving God

2011-02-04T12:32:00.004-06:00

For Christmas, my husband got me a Kindle. One day when I was online I found this book called, "Craving God, a twenty eight daily study" I down loaded it and I started reading it. On the first day it talked about how God gave us cravings. These cravings were intended to crave God. We were never intended to crave other things like money, food, or sex. We were destined to crave God. That is why we have the cravings to begin with. You know, this really made sense to me. I have had such struggles with cravings it is not even funny. But I realized that I need to refocus those cravings towards God. I need to go to the word when I am craving food.

Psalm 139:14

"I will praise thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works and that my soul knoweth right well".

My soul knows what to crave, what to worship and what to praise. God made me this way, from my mother's womb. But my flesh gets in the way. I was made to worship, praise and crave God

Another comment by the author really hit home: "I have to admit, I am overweight physically. But I am underweight spiritually."

This is another example of why I need to get my flesh under control. I need to make those craving for God and not let my flesh rule me and run to what I have made a bad habit. To let the food control me. See, really, I thought for many years that food was the only control I had. But really, food is controlling me and it will eventually kill me.

I love that scripture in 1 Corinthians 9:27, where Paul talks about control,

"But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway. "

I struggle, I can blog about all that I learned and all that these authors or the bible has shown me. But in the end, I will surrender to the flesh faster than God. I know it, and I see. Am I happy about it, no. I am tired, and I need God. I also need to be willing. How can I be a good witness, if I am inconsistent, and I am not secure being a Christian. I can not. I will not bring anyone to God with in consist behavior. It is time to put feet to my bible scriptures, blog entries, to my beliefs and I need to not let anyone or anything take my eyes off the prize. The Prize is Jesus Christ and my relationship.

I pray to be a better witness for him and in that I need to refocus. It is time. I am ready to be spiritually overweight. I need prayers, encouragement and possibly others who feel the same way. We are given a task and that is to fill the kingdom of God. Are we ready and our we strong in our faith? It is time.

My Belief List

2011-01-28T11:32:00.001-06:00

Okay, here is my Belief list:

1. I belief in God.
2. I belief in His Word.
3. I belief that my body is God's Temple
4. I belief in the sanctity of life....
5. I belief in truth....
6. I belief in true love
7. I belief in the sanctity of marriage.
8. I belief in healing and health
9. I belief God's word changed my life.
10 I belief I will keep changing till I die.
11. I belief I am on the road to a new life style.

Well that is it and I will be adding more to my values and beliefs. I am realizing that they really go hand and hand. I hope that you enjoyed my list and I will blog more tomorrow. God bless you all. Love Tanya

Dying to my Flesh

2011-01-17T23:50:00.001-06:00

I know that this is a weird subject, but this has been on my mind lately. Yesterday, Jeff and I took our kids to Council Bluffs and went to church, lunch and then took the kids to a movie.

But, it was church that really touched my heart. The minister was talking about the commandments from the New Testament, like "Love the Lord with all your heart, mind, soul and body" and "love each other as you do yourself."

But, it was when Pastor Springer talked about dying to our flesh. Letting the Spirit lead us and not our Flesh, wants, lusts. That when I stand against all those worldly things, I will achieve victory. I have let food, money and other worldly things lead me so much and frankly it has almost killed me.

I am ready to let the flesh die and follow my God. He is my only grace, mercy and hope. Really good word yesterday. If you would like to hear some of Pastor Springers sermons: here is the site:
God bless you all and I am praying for you and I hope you all have a successful week. Tanya

My Values List

2011-01-12T12:59:00.001-06:00

Hi, I have not blogged for sometime. I just posted this blog on my Sparks page. I am on a new direction this year. I am going to lose weight and be more fit this year. If you would like to join me, check out Sparks people
Okay, I have been praying over my values and beliefs and I have come up with a great list. I want to share my values with you all and then tomorrow I will share my beliefs. Here they are:

Values:

1. I value my God.
2. I value walk with God
3. I value my marriage to Jeff
4. I value my children Luke and Melanie
5. I value being an American
6. I value my friends and Sparks friends
7. I value freedom from physical pain
8. I value love from God and how he showed me how to love others.
9. I value changes in my life.
10 I value food, shelter and clothing.

So, there are some of my values. I know that I am not done, because I am learning about myself. Enjoy and thanks for letting me feel comfortable enough to share with all of you!!

Tanya

Our Christmas and New Year

2010-12-28T19:35:00.004-06:00

Well it has been an interesting Christmas to say the least. Melanie and I got colds Tuesday night. So, I have been down from that, I try not to do to much because I do not want it to go into bronchitis or pneumonia or something like that. So, I was not really on top of my game this year. I was so grateful that all the shopping and cards, and boxes had been wrapped or mailed. We had a wonderful time at Jeff's parents house, we spent Christmas eve and day over there. I am grateful that family is close by, it was great.

I am feeling better and I am ready to go into the new year. I really believe that this year is going to be great. Our son will be graduating and family will be coming out this way to celebrate with Luke. And he will be graduating with his cousin Tasha, which will be so awesome to see them moving on in their lives.

So come on 2011, show us what you have for us this year and I know that it is going to be filled with God, family and friends. God bless all of you and have a great start to a new year!!!!! Love Tanya

2010-12-07T10:27:00.003-06:00

glitter-graphics.com

This is a quote that one of my sparks sisters posted on my page this morning. I wanted to share it with all of you. I really like Norman Pearle.

If you want to get somewhere, you have to know where you want to go and how to get there. Then never, never, never give up. The secret of life isn't what happens to you, but what you do with what happens to you. Help other people to cope with their problems and your own will be easier to cope with.
Never use the word "impossible" seriously again. Toss it into the verbal wastebasket. Self-trust is the first secret of success. So believe in and trust yourself. Stand up to your obstacles and do something about them.
You will find that they haven't half the strength you think they have.
Joy increases as you give it, and diminishes as you try to keep it for yourself.
In giving it, you will accumulate a deposit of joy greater than you ever believed possible. How you think about a problem is more important than the problem itself - so always think positively. Go at life with abandon; give it all you've got. And life will give all it has to you.
~Norman Vincent Peale

Never say Impossible, say I'm possible!!!!

Love all of you, Tanya

Stress

2010-12-02T18:26:00.003-06:00

This is a posting that I did on my Sparks page, I wanted to share it with all of you.

And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpillar, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you. And ye shall eat in plenty, and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God, that hath dealt wondrously with you: and my people shall never be ashamed." Joel 2: 25-26

I am a home school mom and on Wednesdays we have video day. We have Netflix instantly, I love going through the Movies and Documentaries. So, today we watched a documentary on Stress. This scientist/professor studied Baboons for thirty year, I know it is a stretch. Any way, during the documentary they were talking about these mom's who have disabled children. The mom's started a support group and were able to talk about what they were going through with their children. In our bodies we have what is called the Toulmin on the end of our DNA gene. As we get older, the Toulmin thins out. But if you are under stress, it will thin out quicker and cause us to grow older faster and earlier. So back to this group of mom's, they said in a study that as these women were baring their souls and healing through encouragement and loving each other, the Toulmin grew back. And this restored their lives.

So, as I was talking with the kids about this I thought of this scripture from Joel. That God will restore what we have lost, our health, thinner body, and taking control. Because that is the answer , taking control of our bodies. As we take control, God will restore us. Also, as we encourage each other and help one another with this journey, we will heal, take control and become filled with less stress. I am so glad I came back to SP, I know I can do this with all of your help, but most of all, I am taking control. Tanya

Letting Go

2010-11-29T23:42:00.003-06:00

This year has been really pinnacle for me. Not only is my son graduating and heading out into the world. But God has me letting go of garbage that has been floating in my life for some time. I feel like some of those people on that show "Hoarders". I just sit back and let things pile up and I do not let them go or get rid of them. Sometimes I feel like I can not. But, God has been really clear about cleaning my heart, mind, soul and spirit along with my home. I think sometimes I get compliant with my life, I am really good about showing people there hang ups or helping others. But when it comes to my own life, I am null and void. So this year I am giving it back to God and starting to take on freedom. I hope you will come for the ride. First of all, I am a part of a new website called Sparks people. It is an online program to lose weight and other areas of life that need cleaning. It is an awesome website and I can not say enough of it. I encourage you to take a gander at it. Who knows, may change your life. Another thing I have started doing again is writing in my journal, I love to write. It gives me a direction and keeps me thinking, plus it helps with my thinking pattern and letting go of stuff. Of course, reading my bible and other material that will help in my spiritual journey. I have been drinking more water and watching what I eat. I think my weigh gain was due to my mental battle that goes on, I am going to try to keep plugging at this. I know I will lose weight. I am also going to take life one minute at a time if I have to. I do not want to rush life. It will come to it's end when it does, rushing to this and that will cause me to lose the moment. So, this is my journey so far, I will keep you updated as time marches on.

Love all of you and I think of you all often. I hope that you have a great week and I am praying for all of my blogging buddies. God bless ya, from Tanya

Bible Studies

2010-11-11T14:31:00.003-06:00

Hi all, I wanted to share some awesome bible studies that I stumbled on. We are in between studies right now and I thought I would start looking at some areas that need some most improved with God. I am finding that I needed some help with Self Control. So here are some sights for you, this one has been my favorite so far. So, go here , just print it out and go verse by verse. It has five sections and so far it has been really good. I did not look at self control in all of these areas. Here is another bible study that I found on Self Control, this one is four lessons, it will start on the fourth lesson when you open the page. Scroll down to the bottom of the page and you will see the other three lessons. The site is called hem of his garment. Looks awesome, I will probably go there next.

Here is some bible lessons on Grace, go here. Here is lessons on "How God Interacts with Us," go here. This is my last website, this one you can sign up to get weekly studies to your email. I joined this one and I will be getting studies starting tomorrow. I will let ya know how it goes, go here if you would like to sign up.

I am finding that it is so important to be in the word of God, even if it means you need some structure. I hope you find what you are looking for. God bless all of you. Love Tanya

2010-11-03T15:19:00.003-05:00

I have to just ramble for a bit. My heart has been so heavy and I have gone to God with it, but sometimes I need to see it in writing. Our son is going to graduate this coming May and I have placed him in God's hands. But these questions keep popping up in my brain and sometimes they are over whelming. Especially, when I see him making decisions on his future that really scare me. Some of the questions that I have burning in my head are: is he ready for the world, not just life skills or being able to pay bills, but is his soul ready. Will he run to God when things seem bleak or will he run to the world? Can he handle waiting until he is married, or will he let his friends sway him the other way? So much to think about, and of course there are so many other questions in my head. Okay, lets just face it, no matter how much I have lectured, talked, pleaded, cried out and even stayed silent, it is not my life and I am struggling with letting him go.

If he was closure to God, I think I could handle it, but I am struggle. I do not want to let him go and you know, I think I understand why God was so instant to have the Israelites clean out the promise land, he wanted to protect his children. He does love us so much and he does not want us to fall. So this is really hard to be in this position where God was with the Israelites, to watch them take on other gods and other paths that are not of him. He wants us to be there in the midst of Him and not let other distraction or gods get in the way. I see it. wow, I did not realize that my struggle was God's heart break for all of his children. Thank you God for not giving up on me and sending your son.

I realize that you have it God and I am going to trust you in all things. Amen

WHY by Nichole Nordeman

2010-11-01T23:20:00.000-05:00

Looking on youtube tonight and I found this song by Nichole

Nordeman and I could not help myself. It is so beautiful and it

came from a child's view point. Really good.

2010-10-28T20:18:00.004-05:00

I have to tell you about our two cats. The orange tabby is Jimmy and the all black one is Leix, do not ask. Anyways, we adopted Leix from the Nebraska Humane Society a couple of years ago and Jimmy moved in last year on Super bowl Sunday.

Well, the two of them really do not bug each other. Every once in a while they really get into some fights, but all in all they are good boys. Leix loves Melanie and he will follow her around the house. While she does school, he will sit in her lap.

Jimmy on the other hand is a loan wolf. He does not have time for any of us, unless we have food in our hands. But I have to say, he is an awesome mouser. The mice do not stay long in this house. We had cats when Melanie was little and Melanie started showing signs of being allergic. Well, a couple of years ago, she ask us for a cat and we told her that we would not put her through that pain. She prayed and showed no signs of being allergic. So, we got Leix. Actually, if you place Leix in the sun, he looks more of a chocolate than a black cat. It has been fun and sometimes I laugh so hard. I think about God and all of his wisdom in pets. We are so blessed to have two fun cats and two dogs. Everything relates back to God and I would not have it any other way. God bless all of you and have a safe weekend. Love Tanya

2010-10-15T18:34:00.007-05:00

Well, I just wanted to let all who remember and some who may be interested, that Jeff is blogging again. Not sure how long, but you might as well head over that way and check it out. http://www.thatoneguysblogstuff.blogspot.com/ if you would like to check it out.

Jeff is my awesome husband, he is one of a kind. I hope you enjoy. Tanya

2010-10-09T01:43:00.003-05:00

Well, it is that time again, the farmers are harvesting their fields and the air is turning a little more crisp. The night sky looks like millions of diamonds and the sweaters are coming out. I just love this time of the year, the leaves are in bright colors of yellow, red, orange and brown and the trees become naked for the winter. I have really been praying about change in my life, I believe change is important in my life. I never want to be the same person I was long ago. But as I have been praying, I am realizing that there are some questions in my heart that I will never get answers too. And I realize that these questions are very important to me, I do not believe that if I do not get an answer I will turn away from God, but I really wish that I had been at a place to ask my mother when she was alive.

I believe that it is important to be honest and just ask the questions. No matter how much it may hurt the other person. Silence is not as golden as it is claims to be. And most of all secrets, secrets can destroy a family, friendship, marriage and parenting in a matter of seconds. It is not good to hold on to things. And really, I believe that recently I have looked at the character I have become. I am not impressed with who I am, I could be more honest, less guilty and full of shame and more loving. And not one of these characters can I achieve on my own, they have to be achieved through Christ Jesus. I have also realized that some of my actions or behaviors stem right back to my relationship with God.

For example, when envy invades my heart, am I truly envious of the person or am I envious because I see blessing from God going to that person and I feel that I have not been blessed? How about anger, is it towards that other person or do I have a lack of trust with God? I believe God gave us His emotions, but they come right back to Him. It is interesting, I have seen God in a whole new way and I want every part of me to be worshiping God. It is amazing what I find when I open my heart more and more to Him, He was made to be worshiped and He deserves all my love. So, this fall is going to be different, I will trust in the Lord, worship with all my heart, soul, mind and body and lay all my questions and cares at His feet. Amen.

2010-10-02T19:13:00.006-05:00

I can not believe that it has been so long since I have posted something on my blog. Well, here I am and with better news then my last two post. We have had a busy month, with school starting, Melanie's birthday and our twenty year Anniversary. School is going good and both kids are already counting down winter break, can you believe that.

So, Melanie turned 13 this last month and boy do we know that she is a teenager. She is so special and she is just a little lady. I am so shocked that she is now in her teens. Luke just recently got his drivers licence and he has been driving all over the place. We had Melanie's party at the park and it was really windy that day. We could not keep her candles lite. It was funny.

Jeff and I celebrated our Anniversary the same day as Melanie's party. We have been married for twenty years and I tell ya, it has not felt like it. The time goes so fast and before you know it, the kids are out and on their own. I am not looking forward to this year, Luke will be graduating and going out on his own. I love having my kids with me always. Of course, Jeff is such a big kid, and I guess I will not miss all of my kids. He always makes me laugh. He is so funny. I am so glad that we met, I never regret joining the Military and going to Germany. God had it all planned. When I think about it, I am so blessed to have a husband and two wonderful children. I hope that all of you are enjoying your beautiful fall days. I sure am, they have been such cool days. Wonderful outside. I am doing good and I hope to be able to share more news soon. Talk to ya all later, God bless ya from Tanya

Codependency, where did it start.

2010-09-17T12:07:00.004-05:00

I have realized that I am always going to be on a journey with God, but along the way I have to open up my heart to Him. This opening of my heart is to let Him get in and start healing wounds that I have been holding on to for many years. Some of these wounds have made me not want to look at my life and jump into others.

My codependent behavior I believe started when I was young. I love my mother, and I would do anything for her, even if it was unhealthy. As I grew, I believe that I became dependent on others, not to follow, but to help and take control of their lives and issues. This becomes really dangerous and it starts causing me to take the focus off of God and I, and focus on other people's problems or behavior.

I had always suspected this, but it was not until recent how sever it was. I was taking a class on Adult Abuse and some things really came to the top. I had to walk away from the class until I get myself some help. A dear friend let me borrow this book call "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. The book is geared more for people who have drug and alcoholic family members. But seriously, codependent does not discriminate.

I would like to give you this definition that Melody gives from her book, "A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior." And in actuality, codependents really does not have a definition. This is one that Melody put together from all of the symptoms a codependent person has shown.

Well, this week I have been reading more of the book and I have to tell ya, I am giving it to God, I am letting go of control and laying at God's feet. Trust is where my heart needs to be, trusting in God. I have tried to please people, help people, bend over backwards for people. It is not people, it is me, and the more I let go and trust, the better friendships I will be blessed with. It is time to pray and let God have it. Trust is my issue and trying to take it by control is not it. Trust.

Realization of God

2010-09-05T13:41:00.004-05:00

Well, I have to admit that last week was a very trying and long week. From the first of it all the way to Thursday, I suffered such great fear. I have never in my life experienced fear as I did. It was just paralyzing, I felt walls on all sides of me and finally on Thursday after so much crying out to God, I went to Jeff and fell apart. I really can not tell you the many events that happened. That is not important, I want to share with you what I learned through it all.

First, I learned that I needed to trust in God and His word. I have been in Lamentations this week and Jeremiah is crying out to God for Jerusalem. Jeremiah has not once blamed God for the fall, he knows were it began and even takes on some of the responsibility. The first two chapters are on the fall and captivity of Jerusalem, it is not until I reached chapter three that I see the hope of God. Such hope and such peace even through all the turmoil.

This is where my life took a turn, see God is always here for me. He is the one I go to first, before a friend, even before Jeff. But this week God made it very clear to me to go to Jeff and I needed to make Jeff know that I needed us to work as a unit. After I fell apart, Jeff opened up to me about things that he is struggling in and we prayed. I think sometimes we get so caught up in our roles as wife or husband that we forget that we are one.

The day that I took my vows, I do not think I took them as seriously as I do now. They are very strong words and the more I hear them at other weddings, or I think about them. The more I realize that they are not just a commitment to Jeff, but I made that commitment to God as well.

So, you may be asking yourself what does all this have to do with anything. Simple, if I had just trusted God at His word, fear may not of been as bad as it was. Jeff and I need to pray more together and start taking time for our marriage and work as a unit. And most of all, hope, hope through this time of our life and not let the world get it's foot in the door. To be covered by the Lord.

Bible and Journaling

2010-08-22T12:19:00.004-05:00

Well, as I mentioned, Jeff and I can only go to church every other Sunday. So, on the Sundays that we can not go, Luke, Melanie and I are listening to Pastor Springer on the computer. This Sunday we listen to a sermon about "Bibles and journals." So here is the site if you would like to listen.

Pastor Springer talked about reading our bibles every day, figuring out a time in that day to read. While we are reading the word, have a journal near by and write down parts of the scripture that really touches us. I do journal, but honestly, I did not think about this. This is a new twist on journals. I always just write my feelings or things that I am going through. I will have to try this.

Pastor Springer took us to Colossians 3:16 "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord."

The word Let in this scripture refers to opportunity. As we spend that time in the word, it will bless our lives and we will change in circumstances, not us trying to change the circumstance.

I was really blessed by this and I believe that it is time to really get back into the word. I have struggled lately with complaining and falling back into bad habits. The word, I know, will set me free. God bless all of you and I hope you all had a wonderful Sunday.

Witness, Disciple and Plant

2010-08-16T11:58:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, Jeff and I took the kids to a new church in Council Bluffs. We had really been praying for direction since Jeff really wants to be in a church full of the King James Texts. We seen this church online and decided to go. The people were so wonderful and we sang from hymnals. I so missed that from the church I attended in High School. And when we got there, we were told that the orignal Pastor was in Sioux City preaching, but his son would preach the sermon. Pastor Chad Springer stood up and gave a wonderful sermon.

Pastor Springer directed us to the book of Acts. We read the passage of the conversion of Paul. Pastor reminded us that way before Paul was converted, God used him. While Paul was persecuting the church, the church split apart and scattered, which caused them to create more churches and also multiply those churches. Then God got a hold of Paul and converted him to do the good works of God withing those churches.

So, Pastor Springer talked about us as the church, going out and witnessing to the lost, then disciplining then. While multiplying and building new churches in our areas and other towns. This really spoke to Jeff and I. I am not sure where God is going to use us. But I was so reminded about fellowship with others, about witnessing and disciplining. It has been a while since I have broke out of my comfort zone. Any group activity is usually with other Christians that I know. I do not extend myself out much. But, I need to, I need to pray for those Devinne appointments again and let my God lead me.

So, it looks like we have a church home for now, we will only be able to go every other weekend, because of Jeff's job. But that is okay, because it will give me something to look forward to. Thanks for all of your prayers and I feel really blessed today. Also, really excited to get back into the word. Love Tanya

2010-08-08T12:24:00.003-05:00

So, lately Jeff and I have been praying and talking about a new direction. Jeff really loves the King James Bible and frankly there are no churches in our area that teaches from it. So Jeff and his dad felt lead to start a home church. It was a great experience and I do believe that God used it in many ways. But lately, I have had it so heavy on my heart to get back into a church and have worship and fellowship with other women. I also would like the kids to meet new friends. So Jeff and I talked and then we took it to God.

Jeff then asked me to look for a church that teaches from the King James Bible. And God did provide, we found a church in Council Bluffs called the Open Door Baptist. We have not gone yet, Jeff has to work every other weekend and he wants me to wait so he can go with us. But this morning I listened to one of the sermons on the website. Pastor Springer delivered an awesome sermon on Generating Faith.

It really spoke to me and I again was reminded about Faith is by hearing and only by the word of God. Here is the site if you would like to listen to it. Heather , when he talked about Gideon, I thought of you. So keep praying for our family. I love all of you.

2010-08-03T12:53:00.003-05:00

I have been praying lately to God about this new change to lose weight. I wondered why it has been different. The way I look at food or the lack of running to food every time something bad, good, or indifferent happens to me. But I will be honest, it has been different, is it my age, is it all the healing that God has done? I could not pin point it, then this morning while thinking on it, I had a revelation. Faith, my faith has taken a first gear, I got it.

The scripture talks in so many passages about faith healing, faith making you strong. My faith believes that Jesus is the healer and that God is my soverity. I can not go through life with out Him. I could try, but frankly, why? Faith healed the women with the issue of blood, the man who was blind and even the centurion's slave. And for me to sit here and drill faith down your throat is preposterous. You just have to get there on your own. I could never make you see what I see, I just wanted to share what God has shown me.

Faith is just knowing, like the women reaching out for Jesus' robe. She knew that she would be healed. It is amazing what God reveals when you are ready. And it is not just knowledge, it is penetrating the heart. It is awesome.

2010-07-30T09:13:00.004-05:00

Wow, it has been a while since I blogged. I did not realize that this summer was going to be so busy. We have been doing school and Melanie was in a play. I have been taking a class on Saturday mornings. Jeff has been working a lot more hours this summer then he did last summer and God has been protecting us. Luke is working at Pizza hut and he also have had more hours this summer. I have been working on losing weight, I have dropped 33lbs and I am going to keep going. I recently bought a book by Jillian Michaels and it is amazing. She goes into great detail on the metabolism and how if the hormones are out of whack the metabolism will not work. See, I do not think it is bitterness or even an addiction anymore for me. I believe God has cleaned out my house and I am free from addictions. But I was still struggling, so when this book arrived and I started reading, I realized that my food was killing me. I believe from the first time that I overate, I started to destroy my hormones. My hormones even control the center that wants food, cravings and needing foods that are not good for me.

I have given up diet sodas, the artificial sweeteners are helping to destroy my hormones and so many other bad things to my body. I am drinking all natural teas and more water. I even gave up milk and I am drinking Almond milk or Acidophiles milk. It has really helped with some of the craving. I am still having some cravings, but I have not totally gone on the program yet. I do feel better and I was able to get up the other day and put my walking dvd in and did three miles. I cried right at the third mile, "I made it".

I highly recommend this book and I am so glad that I stumbled upon it.

Melanie's Job this week

2010-06-18T18:48:00.008-05:00

Well, this week Melanie is taking care of some chickens for our friends. At first, I really did not think she would be able to do it. And at first she really did struggle with it.

But now, she love the chickens. She can not wait to get out there and take care of them. She even wants one. I do not think so. But she thinks that they are really cool.

And she is taking good care of the chickens. They are really good. Except the day that one grabbed my finger. They are good chickens and Melanie and I are having a blast taking care of them.

Melanie

2010-06-18T18:48:00.001-05:00

2010-06-06T17:58:00.003-05:00

I have to tell you about my last couple of weeks and the word Grace. There has been a couple of actions that I seen some friends not extend grace and I thought that maybe grace should of been extended. I have also seen this article about this teen who was suspended because he wore a rosary to school. I have also seen my child not extend grace to each other. This has had me sit back an wonder to myself, have I been extending grace lately. I would have to be real honest here and the answer would have to be NO. How can I even judge some one else for not doing the same thing that I have not been willing to do. It is not my place to judge others, but it is my place to examine myself. I have to remind myself here that if Jesus felt the same way that I have been acting, would he have died on the cross for me? I mean after all, we are created after their image. Are we not suppose to act like them. I got their feeling, emotions, my form is the same as theirs. I am created in their image, you can find this all through out the first nine chapters of Genesis, and I am sure it is quoted more in the bible. Then we were given dominion over the whole earth. This important, we are to have grace, mercy and love towards each other. This especially means me, I can not expect this from others if I am not willing to do it myself. So, here it goes, I am going to take the first step and forgive those who have done things to me, or that I have not agreed with and I am moving on. How are we to reach the lost, if we do not extend grace? I need to extend grace, I love my Lord enough to do His will. Thank you Lord, for the grace you extended me. Tanya

What if?

2010-06-03T00:21:00.004-05:00

This is me on my graduation day in 1989. I was thinking about this as my niece was graduating from her High School. Have you ever sat back and thought about what you would do if you were given another chance to go right back here on your graduation day? And all of your future was wiped out, you knew nothing about it. Would you make the same choices, would you do the same thing you did after High School? See, it would be impossible to do the exact same thing. Something would be changed and your future may change with it. See, there would be no way that I personally could go back. God had changed my path at least three different times in order for me to be in Germany on the day I was to meet Jeff. If one thing was changed or I had decided to not go into the Army, I would of never met Jeff. It is weird, I believe God had my life completely planned out for me, I just did not know it. And half the time I did not even realize it until I was sitting down at someone else's graduation or wedding thinking about it. God had His hand in my life from the day I was born. Interesting, I am so amazed by this journey that I thought that I was making and I have realized that God has made it with me. He has orchestrated it on so many levels. I am sure that if for some reason I did go back, God would again set everything up for me to meet Jeff. But it would all be different and it may change my future. But of course I would not know that it changed, because I did not know that I had a life already. I think that I would of changed or hope that I would of changed somethings. But all in all, I would not want to go back. I love the life that I am living right now so, I have decided that the "What ifs" do not count any more. Because it will always be the "God did"!! Love ya, from Tanya

Forgiveness is a must.

2010-06-01T14:32:00.004-05:00

I have been sitting back and just basking in Jesus arms through this time of weight loss. He has shown me that I have forgiven everyone in my life but me. I have spent so many years on the yo yo machine of dieting and I have never forgiven my bad actions or falling off the wagon. So, lately I have been asking God to show me what part of my life I have not forgiven and so much has surfaced. I have realized that I have held on to so much about me and that is what keeps me running to the fridge. It is not my past or people in my life. It has been me and how I react to my actions it. I have also realized that in order to loose weight and keep it off, I have to not diet but to have a new life style change. I do not want the weight to come off really fast, I need to be slow at it. If I get to impatient I will gain it all back plus some. I am so close to being under my 300, I just want to see more loss, I do not want self destruction to get in my way. It is time to forgive myself and take it all to God. I have also realized that I am not a positive person. I can get really negative really quickly. This is also an area that I really believe I need to take to God and ask Him to help me with my unbelief. So it is time to move forward, will I fall, yes, but I will forgive myself and move on. Moving towards the mark, Jesus Christ and freedom. Victory is on the horizon. Tanya

Fun Ways to Loose Weight

2010-05-31T22:09:00.003-05:00

I want to tell ya about an exercise that will burn lots of calories and you will have an awesome time doing it. It is called Laughing. I am reading this book called, "All is Forgiven, Move on" by Janice Taylor. Janice says that you can burn more calories laughing then several minutes on a rowing machine or an exercise bike. She also recommends this website that sells Cd's of people laughing and the money goes to a teen organization. This organization helps build teen self esteem and stop bulling. Here is the website www.heyugly.org(Unique Gifted Lovable You). So sit down with your family and laugh until you feel like you are going to split. It will be the funniest and most rewarding exercise you can do for yourself. Love all of you and have a great day, from Tanya

Revelation

2010-05-29T08:18:00.005-05:00

I have to share with ya what God has revealed to me besides my worship of food. One day I was in our bedroom looking into one of those mirrors that is full length. I was looking at my body and I was really getting upset about how bad it looked. At that moment I realized that it is not my body that is the problem, it was my mind. See, my body is like the battle zone from what my mind decides to do. Yes, my body also craves things, but it started with my mind. If my mind, heart and soul are not targeted on God, my body is going to take the brunt of it. I realized that my whole body has to be targeted on my God. He is the only one who will get me through this. He has the strength and the power. And in turn He will give me the strength and the power. I will be given the same power that God gave Jesus to rise, (Mark 16). I just have to tap into that and focus on God. So this battle field needs to be given to God and let Him do the rest. Yes, for some reason this time it is so easy and I know it is because of God. In fact I am not even afraid of my fall back from loosing so much weight and not being able to finish it. I am going to be one hundred and sixty four pounds. I hope to break three hundred next week and I will make two hundred and eighty pounds by my next doctors visit. And when I look at my body, I look at it differently, it is all about my mind and where it is. Right now it is focused on God and that is where it is going to stay. God bless ya and have a great Memorial weekend. Love Tanya

High Places

2010-05-28T15:03:00.007-05:00

I have not talked about the bible lately or what God has shown me. So today I would like to talk about High Places and how they can get in the way of my walk with God. In the bible High Places are areas that caused the kings and people to worship the wrong "gods". If you look at 1 and 2 Kings or Isaiah, it goes into great detail on how these high places became stumbling block for the kings and hurt the kingdom.
I have to be honest here, my high places or stumbling blocks have always been food and money. I can not even tell you how far I have crashed with food. I am a border line diabetic, I lost my appendix last September, I have had womanly problems because of my food issues. It has become such a god to me, I almost died twice, because I would not give it up. But lately, I have really been set free from this small god. I have not really wanted to overeat or put it before anything. My blood sugars have just fallen down to normal ranges and I have dropped 21 pounds. And if I drop 21 more pounds, I may be able to get off all of my diabetic drugs. Which I am so tired of taking. But this is not the point, the point is, I let this small not so important High Place run my life. I wonder is it this important? Yes, food is important because it is the nourishment that we need daily. But when it is used like a drug, there is a problem. But I have to tell you, I totally believe that God has delivered this area of my life and made me realize that food is just nourishment. It is not to be used as a drug. I have really been praying to have God help me with my unbelief and He did. I see it now as just God, not food. I challenge you to check out the old testament and look up all of these high places and what it did to the Israelites. It is a real eye opener. Talk to ya all later, love Tanya

On to the next step.

2010-05-24T07:57:00.005-05:00

So yesterday, my niece Brooke Rose Seering graduated from Red Oak High School. Here she is pictured with our cousin John Mertz. I stood back and I took in the events that unfolded the whole weekend. John's party on Friday, Brooke's party on Saturday and then graduation. It was so overwhelming for me and I wondered how overwhelming it was for them. It is hard sometimes for me to grasp twenty years ago at my own graduation. But there it is two new people entering into the world of work and life. I wonder what they will do? Who will they marry and how many children they will have. It is going to be great to sit back and watch their adventures.

I have to tell you, besides being overwhelmed by the graduation itself. I was also overwhelmed by all of Brooke and Luke's friends that did graduate this year. There was Chris Lombard, Skylar Barker, Holly Beemer, Sam Hansen, Heather Adams, Larry Pearce, Juan Ramos, Bradley Telschow, and many more that Brooke and Luke grew up with. I feel so old and yet all of these kids are starting out with their lives.

Next year our son Luke will be graduating. Oh my, I am not sure I am ready. I was barley ready for this one. But I have to remember time marches on and I just need to trust in the Lord. He is going to carry these kids.

Dear Lord,

I come to you today in petition for these kids that graduated into life yesterday. I pray that as they go, that you would be the prominent one in their lives. That you would show them direction, guidance and love. Lord, I know that you love them and all they need to do is reach out to you. I love you Lord and I love these kids. They are always in my prayers. Amen.

God bless all of you and have a great day and week. Love Tanya

For all you Face book friends, this note was from my Blog: www.walkdailyfortruth.blogspot.com

My mind

2010-05-06T14:56:00.005-05:00

I have been doing this bible study called Breaking Free. I did it some time ago with some awesome gals. But I was asked again to do another try with it. So any ways, I have been slowly going through this workbook and I have to admit, it is really challenging me. I did a lesson today on High Places. If you look up High Places in the bible, they will refer to the places that everyone one went to worship. And the worship became idolistic. But most of all, the fact that they would not destroy or get these High Places out of their minds. It was like a drug that they could not get rid of or destroy.

So, I have been thinking about this? What exactly in my life has caused me such High Places and I can not get rid of it. Well, right off the bat, I can tell you two, money and food. And then as I confessed this so many others came to my attention. I have been idling people and past events, friendships and so much more. It became overwhelming that I had to walk away from the study and pray. I have realized that I am an obsessed person and I have let so many idols take up my life. And I only want one High Place and that is God.

So pray for me, this is where the rubber meets the road and I could walk away or stand firm and rely on my God. He is actually the only one who can get me through all of this. I can not walk away now, I need Him and only Him. So pray and I will pray for you. Because every day life can be so hard, yet in the end, the one set of foot prints in the sand are His. And that is because I relied only on Him to do it with me. Everyone else is support and love, but only God is a life preserver. Amen

The day with the Family

2010-05-03T20:08:00.004-05:00

Well, yesterday Jeff and the kids and I went to Jeff's parents house. We had church and then celebrated Teresa and my birthday and Mother's day. We had a blast and it was so fun. Jeff got me one of those picture frames that can store pictures, music and videos on. I can not wait to get a card for it. It has been a real busy time here, with our niece graduating and all the celebrations and birthdays going on. It always seems like Spring and Fall are our busiest times. But I am so glad that it is so. We really love to be together and it is great to celebrate anything.

So, I turned 40 this year and I have to tell ya, everything seems so different. I look at things really different then I did in the past or even last year. I realized that my mind has been my deadliest enemy. I have let so much intrude in my thinking, you know sticking thinking. For the first time in my life I am letting so much go and I am letting God have it. I have realized that I was created by God and everything else is garbage. Relationships, family, life is to be adorned by God and anything that comes my way is either for God or against God. But my focus needs to be on God. It has been an awesome journey and I am so excited to see what He has for me everyday. God bless all of you and I hope that you have a wonderful Mother's day or that some mother in your life is adorned by your love for them. Love all of you from Tanya

My Special day with my family

2010-04-24T00:03:00.009-05:00

Well, Wednesday was my birthday. My 40th to be exact. I can not believe that I am now 40. Does it bother me? No I am really excited to keep going on in my journey with God and my family.

I remembered when my mother turned forty. It really bothered her. I am not that way, my age has really never bothered me. I am so grateful for that. I guess, I just believe that every year gets me one year closure to Jesus. Not that I do not enjoy my family, I do, but I am so excited to see Jesus.

Well anyway, Jeff, Luke and Melanie got me a cake and a bouquet of flowers and a Snuggy. I am so excited to use it. I was so surprised that they did that for me. It made me feel so special. I love them so much.

So then I went to my ladies group and they surprised me with a cake also. How special I felt, it is awesome to be surrounded by so many people in my life. I love ya all and I hope that you all have a great weekend and I am praying for you all, Love Tanya. Oh by the way, Lori, thanks again for the clothes, I am so loving them.

A Funny but true sign

2010-04-16T10:18:00.003-05:00

My daughter and I go on this site that you can down load pictures for your cell phones. This morning I was looking up pictures with sayings on them or pictures with signs on them and I ran across this one. Have a great weekend everyone!! From Tanya

Recipes for Life

2010-04-13T23:15:00.004-05:00

Last September we were moving Jeff's aunt Barb to the nursing home. Well, recently she has passed and gone to be with Jesus. So, I was going through some items and I found this cook book from Union Carbide 1971. Union Carbide eventually became EverReady Battery Company. It is now closed and even the building is torn down. So, I was going through this cook book and in the back of it was a section call Recipes for Life. I started to go through the little recipes and realized that they were little poems with a recipe kind of twist. I would like to share some of them with you.

"Lost, A Word"

I Lost a cross word yesterday

Unguarded from my tongue.

It slipped into the atmosphere

Then Trouble had began.

A dozen others followed it

They filed the room with grief.

No matter then what word was said

It could not bring relief.

If I had only stopped that word

before it crossed my lips.

My day had been a happy one

and sweet with fellowship.

I think I wasted yesterday

hurt self as well as friend.

Today I want to watch my words

and let not one offend.

"Happiness Cake"

1lb. Kindness

1/4 lb. Charity

1 cup Helping Others

3 cups Good Humor

1/2 cups Thoughtfulness

3 cups Laughter

dash of Peppiness

large portion of Love

Mix well and swerve at all time

by, Ruth Speed

There were many more, but those two really hit me. I loved all of them and we should bake happiness and joy into our lives and our families. Before I go, I would like to post a couple of things that I am grateful for. I am grateful for God, with out Him, I would be nothing. I am grateful for Jeff, he keeps me in line and shows me love. I am grateful for Luke and Melanie, they give me reasons to be joyful everyday and to laugh. I am grateful to laugh and smile, it brings such excitement into my life and most of all, I am grateful for me. I am so glad that God pursued me and made me who I am today. Love all of you and have a great spring!!!!!

Seeking

2010-04-06T10:25:00.003-05:00

I thank all of you for your uplifting comments. I really enjoy them and yes Nana, we do need to keep each other accountable.

I have been journaling again and I really have been real through this journal. I have decided that if I am going to loose weight, I need to be real with myself and God. Even if it is painful, I need to do it to heal and loose.

I am really looking at when the bad habits started, it started when I was little. I remember just stuffing my feelings and running to food. Of course, my mom also comforted me with food. Food has always been a big part of my life, but most of all, I have not been honest with myself or others. I have always just stuffed what I felt, I did not share with people how I really felt. I would tell people what I think they would want to hear, but really I did not tell them how I really felt.

Lately, I have been able to tell my feelings and not what they want to hear, but how I really feel. I have said it in love and not in anger, but I am tired of feeling like I am walked on. And really this stemmed from my mom. I wanted her to love me so much that I told her what she wanted to hear. I am now going to pray about it and then I am going to confront it in love. And I do have some loose ends that I need to address and mend.

So for now, I am not going to stuff my feelings and then fill it with food. I am going to take out the middle man, food, and bring in the ultimate man God. Thanks for your prayer and the encouragement. I need it. Love Tanya

2010-04-01T18:03:00.003-05:00

I love spring, the new grass, the buds on the trees and the bulb plants peaking through the ground. I find it interesting that the new growth and the newness of life during the spring months. Well, lately I have been really pondering my body and how I have not been really taking care of it. Fear has surfaced like fat in boiling water and I have never realized the fear that is in me. I have spent so many years running to food and spending lots of money. It is so comforting to me, but on the other hand, I really want to turn over a new leaf and be more obedient to my Father. It is just letting go of control and letting God take care of it. I am not sure where God is going to take me from here, I am not going to get hasty and quick to make decisions. I really believe that just know that I am having this problem is the first step. I also realize that I need to flood myself with the word of God. Holding what He says higher than what I want. Well, like they say, "Time for Spring cleaning." and I believe this is true. I appreciate all of you and I adore your prayers for me. I will be looking for an accountability partner. It is time to be accountable, so I will be praying for that right person and I am praying to take my flesh under control. It does not need to have everything it wants, because God is greater. I love you all and I will keep you updated. Love always Tanya

Mary Kay Career Conference 2010

2010-03-27T23:09:00.004-05:00

Last weekend Teresa, Tiffany, Mindee and I went to Des Monies for a couple of days for the Annual Mary Kay Career Conference. It was so awesome. This is Stacie, she is a National Director and an awesome lady. She gave her I Story and shared some tips on how to further our businesses. She is a down to earth kind of woman and I really enjoyed her. This was taken on Friday night and we had a blast dancing and watching all the ladies who worked hard get a chance to dance across the stage. Teresa even got to dance across the stage because she earned her Red Jacket. It was so awesome. This next picture was taken on Saturday.

Mindee, Teresa and I all had seperate classes. I learned so much and met so many wonderful gals. This is really a great business with wonderful women.

It was a great time

My Good Friends

2010-03-26T15:02:00.005-05:00

I have always been really blessed with my friends. I have always had support, especially when I have struggled through something. But just in this week, God has used me in mighty ways to be there for my friends. I have realized that friends are awesome to laugh with and joke around. To pray for and to reminisce on our past. But friends are also awesome in times of troubles, times where they need advice or times to let them cry and question why. How blessed to be a part of their lives and be there to hold them up in prayer. Or to just hold them while they cry. I feel blessed to be on this side this time. And to all my friends who are struggling through things, I just wanted to tell you how much I love you and then I am praying for you. I am in your corner and I am holding the handkerchief for you. I love each and every one of you.

God is so good, He wants us to go to Him. He wants us to lay all of our problems at His feet. I have realized that only God can get us through. That also means how to be a good friend, one who prays and not gossips, one who loves without judgement and one who excepts with pure love for the other. Am I perfect in this area, no, it will take time and practice. I am grateful for the practice God is giving me. And I will lay all my friends in God's lap and pray for each and every one of them. I am going to love. Love Tanya

I am Christ Bride

2010-03-17T00:05:00.004-05:00

I have been down the last couple of days with a cold. It has really wiped me out. During this time I have been really praying about what God wants from me. But one of the things He has been reminded me of is the fact that I am His bride. And that I need to be ready. It was also mentioned in the Breaking Free Book that a group of us are doing right now. I really have looked to Him with different eyes and the Word Of God has really hit my heart like and arrow to a bull's eye. I do need to be ready for Him, I believe the time is nearer than any of us can even imagine. I am honored to be His bride and I am so at awe at Him and why Me? I am blessed and in love with a wonderful Creator, Awesome Redeemer and Healer. And I will be up in no time with His help. May my God be with you and always with you, for He is awesome. Love Tanya

The Spirit vs the flesh

2010-03-12T06:15:00.005-06:00

I really love to watch Kent Hovind, he is a great creationist who really loves the Lord. If you do not know who Kent Hovind is go here . Any ways, the reason I posted this video is, at the end of it he does a rubber band demonstration. The demonstration is really good and it really spoke to me the other day when we watched the video again. Remember to turn off my music so that you can hear it. Enjoy.

2010-03-11T16:20:00.003-06:00

I am more up beat then I was in my last post. I do think that God has been showing me more about myself, It is a journey. I have to share something that happen to me this morning and made me look at my Lord in such a different way. In John 11:1-44, it is the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. I realized two things while reading this, the first thing I realized it that I am like Mary, I will sit and bask in God's glory. I love testimonies of others, I love to read God's word and see revelations in my life and I love to see the movement of Jesus upon lost people. I am right up there with Mary. I would of found the oil and anointed Jesus just like Mary did, I would of even been on the verge of obsession with Jesus. Another thing that I realized by reading this passage is the fact that Jesus is the Resurrection and life, I am not sure how many times I read this and this morning I got it.

John 11:24-27 "Martha saith unto him, I know that he shall rise again in the resurrection at the last day. Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believe in me though he were dead, yet shall he live: And whosoever live and believe in me shall never die. Believes thou this? She saith unto him, Yea, Lord: I believe that thou art the Christ. The Son of God, which should come into the world."

Jesus is the resurrection, he could raise the dead right there and right now if he chose to. Why wait until the day of resurrection, He would just do it. Why not, He is God, He can do what he wants as long as it glorifies His Father. It just made so much sense. Why have I not seen it before? Well, I was not ready, I was full of self and lately I have realized that this flesh has got to be controlled by the spirit. And through these revelations I have seen lots of things. It has really opened my eyes to the power of my Lord. Awesome.

So when you go to the bible, let the Spirit lead you, you might be surprised at what you walk away knowing. After all knowledge is power and wisdom comes from the Lord. Amen

2010-03-08T11:43:00.003-06:00

Oh, I can not believe that I have not blogged in so long. I think it is time to start back up. I have felt like I am just existing right now and I need to get my feelings out. We had a dear relative die this week, and I have to tell you I am so happy for her because she is sitting next to Jesus right now. But, I am also upset with myself for letting business stop me from seeing her while she was alive. I have dealt so with this guilt all week. I know that guilt is not of God and my relative would not be so happy to know that this is my sorrow right now. But I have to confess that guilt was there before she died. So much has been going on in my life and I have felt guilty about many things. The board and I have made the decision to close the doors of the center. Now, we will be available for emergencies. But the doors of the pregnancy center will be closed. And I feel guilty about this. Of all the people that have been directors I closed it. It is eating me inside and I feel like I have not only let others down, but that I let God down. And through all of this guilt I have built a wall of shame around myself. Like the scarlet letter, I have a big G planted on me. I really need your prayers for healing and I just need to pull down this wall. It is something I am going through right now. And I hope that all of you do know that God closes window and opens door.

I have also learned this week that this is where satan gets me. He gets me with guilt. He uses everything to make me stumble. My conversations, my relationships, my feelings towards God. He knows just what to do, and frankly I am tired of it. I need prayer for this bondage to be broken. I am tired of this bondage and I want a new life and be a new creation in God. Please just pray for me this week. I hope that this touches someone, God has many promises of freedom from bondage and I believe that guilt is one of them. God bless all of you and thanks for the prayers. Love Tanya

2010-02-04T10:27:00.007-06:00

*Note: there was a misspelled word and it made the post look weird. I am writing Thank you notes to women who have let me pamper them through Mary Kay. Sorry.

I have been thinking about praising and Thanking God. When I was in basic training in the Army, every Sunday I would go to church and come back to the barracks and write countless letters to friends and family. I remember at the time asking for prayers to make it through and I would thank God everyday that I made it through another day of basic. I am now writing out Thank you notes to women who have given me a chance to pamper them. It is so cool to write out my feeling to them and let them know how much I appreciate them. I wonder to myself how often I do this to God.

How many times in a day do I thank God? I fall short sometimes in thanking God for every opportunity. For instance, how many times do I thank God for a green light, when in actually I should thank God for that red light. It gives me time to pray or look around me. Thank God for every breath that I take or thanking God for those diving appointments.

I have found things about myself lately that I am not sure I really like. I have been thanking my Lord for these revelations. In actuality I can not change on my own, I have to have God with me the whole way. Thank yous and praise are so important in my walk with God, I am thankful for breath and red lights. Most of all I am thankful that God shows me my downfalls. How could I ever change to be a better person if I did not listen to God.

In the end, I am not perfect and I do not want anyone to view me as such. I am a person who is walking this earth until the day I am face to face with my awesome savior. Until then, I am going to get to know Him and I am going to live my life to please only Him. I THANK YOU GOD for showing me all of your ways. Love Tanya

Warning for Iowa

2010-01-23T16:06:00.004-06:00

Iowa Right To Life has sent out this warning and I posted it on The Pregnancy Centers Blog I find it a little disturbing.

2010-01-14T20:09:00.003-06:00

I just wanted to thank all of you who have been praying for me. I am really feeling better. But most of all, I have realized that I do not want to bolt or run from my problems. I want to face them dead on with the protection and help from God. I have realized that I need to place all my faith and trust in the Lord. He will get me through everything. I need to love, but not place all my trust and faith in people. Love is the answer. Thank you for the prayers, it really helped me to focus on my Lord. Love Tanya

2010-01-13T14:45:00.003-06:00

I have been a little under the weather lately. So, I will have to make this short. I just need some prayers right now. I have been struggling with some discontent. I was doing really good and lately I have been struggling. I really believe it has to do with bolting and not facing things. I was taught by the best on how to run when you see trouble. I believe God is making me stand and face it. I am torn and I just need prayer right now. I do not want to be the person I was, instead I need to be the person I am in Christ. Keep me in prayer and I hope that I will be able to share soon. Love all of you. from Tanya

2009-12-31T11:56:00.003-06:00

I would like to talk about sheep. I am currently reading a small pamphlet call "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want" by Daniel P. Douglass.

It has been a really good read, but I have learned so much about myself and my shepherd Jesus Christ. And I have learned that sheep are more smarter than I thought. Here is what I have learned.

First of all I have learned that Jesus has many names. Two of His names that are really important to me are Savior and Shepherd. Savior is what Jesus was when I became a Christian, he will always be the one who saved my life from sin. But now I am looking at the name of Shepherd, this name is important to me because He is the one who will herd me through life, He will protect me and He will guide me. I am learning that the role of a shepherd is really important to the sheep.

A shepherd is the protector of the herd of sheep, if you look into the role of a shepherd you will learn that if a sheep is being threatened by a predator, the sheep will look to it shepherd for signals on how to get out of the danger. If the shepherd is calm and aggressive towards the threat, the sheep will be calm. But the sheep will not do anything until it is guided by it shepherd.

A sheep will not go to any other shepherd, it only goes to it's shepherd. A sheep will only listen to the voice of their shepherd. The author was talking about how other shepherd tried to lear another shepherd's sheep from him and they would not budge.

If a sheep keeps wandering from the herd, the shepherd will break the legs of the sheep and keep the sheep close by him while the legs are healing. By time the sheep is able to walk by itself in the herd, it will not leave the shepherd or wander again.

The shepherd will leave it's flock to find other sheep that have wandered off. The sheep will not leave and will stay together until they hear their shepherd voice. The shepherd is also the physician of the flock, he will nurse the sheep back to health and stay by that sheep until it is well.

So there are many different role of the Shepherd and you can find all of these verses in the bible to back the role of the shepherd.

Seven evidences that my Shepherd is leading me from Colossians 1:9-12:

1. I walk worthy. (as a child of the King: a princess or princes)

2. I am fruitful, (I live for everlasting things) (Fruit in me, Gal 5:22-23 love, joy, peace, long suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance. Fruit through me John 15:1-7, 16)

3. I increase in the Knowledge of God.

4. I am strengthen with all Spiritual might.

5. I have patients in long suffering.

6. I am joyful.

7. I give thank to the Father, in everything.

*Are these evidences seen in your life? I have decided that this is going to be my resolution. Not loosing weight or any other resolution. It is to follow my Shepherd and be everything on this list above. I hope that you will come with me and make this new year 2010 full of God and all the directions He has for us. Love all of you and God bless you.

2009-12-25T09:57:00.007-06:00

Merry Christmas to all of you!!!! I can not believe that today is Christmas day. It has been a little crazy around here, but good. First we were hit with sleet and snow on Christmas eve. It made travels a little slower than usual. But we made it to Grandpa and Grandma's house and we had a great time with family. Here I am with my angel pendant that I picked out. I thought that it was so beautiful.

Then I took some picture of the weather while it was getting dark out side. I love my camera, it took cool pictures of the snow as it was coming down. It is cold out side definitly and the wind does not help it much. I wonder what the ride home will be? The rest of our evening was visiting, play Apples to Apples and laughing. We love to laugh, and have a good time.

After I night with Jeff's parents, Jeff, Luke, Melanie and I went home and did our own Christmas. The kids had a blast and Melanie was in seventh heaven with all of her gifts. Then the kids went and did what they wanted while Jeff and I fell asleep watching TV. It was a good night and I had such a wonderful time. I really feel blessed and I am so glad that we have such a wonderful family.

So, this morning I woke up and looked outside and this is what I seen. This is my front door, see how high the snow is the base of the door. And the snow is blowing all over the place. It is really cold this morning. It is beautiful though. Well, I hope that all of you have an awesome Christmas and I love you all. God bless you from my house to yours. Love Tanya

2009-12-24T00:41:00.003-06:00

I was reminiscing the other night with my sister in law Teresa. I was telling her about this Christmas that I remember as a child. I think I was about nine and my parents were still married. My mother worked for a home for the challenged and she had invited a couple of her clients home to enjoy Christmas with us. I can see dad right now playing chess with one of the clients and the other one helped mom in the kitchen. I have had many Christmases since then, and every single one of them was special. Or they were challenging. I had one Christmas that was so challenging to me and the hand of a stranger got me through it. I was stationed in Germany and Jeff and I had just been married two months before. Jeff was stationed in Maryland and we were apart for our first Christmas as a married couple. I so hated it and I wanted to be with him so bad. I had no where to go and this lady asked me to come to here home and celebrate Christmas with her and her children. Her husband was in Desert Storm and she was just as lonely as I was. So she invited a handful of soldiers to her home to celebrate the holidays. It was so awesome and I was so blessed by her generosity. I hope during this season of love and giving that we all extend a hand of grace to someone who does not have a place to go, or family around them. Reach out with our hearts and our love. God bless you all and I wish you all a Merry Christmas. Love Tanya

2009-12-18T09:19:00.003-06:00

Well, it is the weekend before Christmas and I have many things to get done. I have also taken on a new adventure to meet women. I have become a Mary Kay consultant. I have to tell you that my decision was really prayed about and there just seem to be so much peace about it. I can not believe that I now have my own business and the support of my husband and I get to talk to women about make up, but most of all, I will be able to share the gospel. This is really awesome for me.

I have to share also that this is the first year that I have really not worried about anything. Oh, most Christmas's in the past I worried about if we would be able to have enough money for gifts, or can we fill up the kids stockings. Sometimes I was worried about food for the table or paying the bills. But I have peace, I started this peace the night I went in for the surgery on my appendix and I have not lost it, it has felt like a gift from God. For the first time in my life I am not worried about anything, money, bills, food or friendships. I am just looking up and adoring my savior and shepherd. And I am going to hold on to this peace even after the New Year begins. I pray and hope that all of you find it this Christmas and hold on to it through the whole year. It is awesome and I want to share it with you all. God bless all of you and I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas with your families. Love Tanya

2009-12-11T06:59:00.004-06:00

I can not believe that it is December already. I am wondering where this year went. It seems like each year goes faster and faster. This is Luke's junior year and Melanie is now in middle school. Soon, Luke will be off with his life and Melanie will not be soon behind him.

I normally put all my Christmas items up the weekend after Thanksgiving. But we were in Georgia, so I slowly put items up and I think I am finished. I do want to get some snowflakes for the tree or something that will capture the lights.

The Lord has been laying on my heart lately to start a women's group in my home. I really was not sure why God wanted me to start one. I prayed to the Lord and I said, "Lord if this is what you want, you need to give me some confirmation of some type." So last Saturday a dear friend of mine came to visit and we got to talking. She has really missed the fellowship of women since our woman's group disbanded and she was desiring this again. It was the confirmation that I needed. God has even given me more names to add to my list, ladies that I would of not even thought about asking. So, late January I am going to start this group. Of course I will stay with my other groups, I so love to be with them, but I believe God is trying to get me out there with other ladies. I feel like I am the encourager, prayer warrior of my family, if I am not in the word or looking to God, I loose hope. And if I loose hope, I believe that my whole family looses it also. Most of the women in this group are possibly non-churched or have had church in the past and are not attending one now. I have learned from the Pregnancy Center, I can not judge that young mother coming in the door with children who are unruly. Maybe the mother has not been taught about discipline. So, I need to pray for her and sit her down and show her how to discipline her children. Give her tools to use and then let her do what she feels comfortable for her family. Judging her is not one of the tools I should teach her, guidance and love is. I have been to full of judgement in the past and I do not want to do that. I have no idea what that mother or father has faced in their past or how they were taught. I believe that as a christian I need to teach God's word to the mothers and show them how to pass it to their children. So, God is giving me my chance, to show God's love and His word to ones who do not know them. This should be really awesome and I am ready for a new season in my life. I hope that all of you are seeing the next page God has you going too. It is awesome to see growth, trials, and directions. God is good, all the time. Bye

It is beginning to look like the North Pole.

2009-12-08T21:45:00.005-06:00

I can not believe that the snow is so deep. It is amazing. We have been shoveling all day and I am shocked at the amount of snow we have. It started snowing while we were outside and the wind started. I guess we are in a blizzard warning for the rest of the night and half the day tomorrow. This is our front door and my flower pots are growing snow flowers.

Here is our van covered with snow, and Jeff out shoveling us out. I wish that I had gotten a picture of our dog earlier. He could not run through the yard it was so high. He hops and it makes him look like a bunny instead of a dog.

Well, only seventeen days left until Christmas. Where is the time going? It seems like it is flying by. Keep warm everyone and have a wonderful evening. Love Tanya

2009-12-06T00:01:00.003-06:00

This award is from seasons of my mind. She awarded this to all the blogger who read her blog and I am doing it the same way. One hitch is that you have to tell what your favorite things are. You have to state five of them. So here are my favorite things.

1. I love my Lord and my bible. I would not be the person I am today if it were not for the Lord changing me and my bible showing me the directions I need to go.

2. I love my husband, I have many wonderful friends in my life. But Jeff is my ultimate friend. He is the one I tell all my secrets to. We are very close and I am so glad that the Lord matched us up.

3. I would have to say that homeschooling my kids has been one of my favorite. I love to spend time with Luke and Melanie, we laugh, learn and talk so much. I am so grateful for my kids and the freedom to home school.

4. I love Christmas, not just what it represents, but that it was my mother's favorite holiday. She would just become gitty as a child during this time. She would play Christmas music in September and burn candles. It was really magical for me. I miss her during this time, her memory will go on forever for me.

5. I love family. I have not really appreciated what family represents for most of my life. I am realizing that family is not just blood relatives, but it can be close friends. I am so blessed by so many wonderful sisters in Christ and my family is growing more and growing close. I am so glad that I see family in such a different way.

Now it is your turn, copy the circle of friends symbol and list five things that you are thankful for or are your favorite. Can not wait to see what you say. God bless all of you, Love Tanya

2009-12-03T12:55:00.010-06:00

Well, I feel a little better today after I have gotten some sleep. Driving really took it out of me. I usually have our decorations up after Thanksgiving, this year I did it after we got home. I got most of them up, the tree is not decorated yet. That is usually the kids job. I would like to share a Christmas that we had with my sister and her family. This is her Christmas tree, it had really neat decorations on it. I really loved the angel on the top of it.

This is Charlene and her husband Jim. She is opening a gift that we gave her. It was a really peaceful day and a great day to just get reacquainted with each other.

This is me on the couch unwrapping the gifts that she gave me. I got three scarfs, body soap and lotion, a peppermint sucker and a bag to put all of my items in. The best gift was the glad candle and refills that Charlene gave me. I love the smell of them.

This is Luke with his Yoda that he got from Charlene and Jim. He did an awesome impression of Yoda and we all had a great laugh. He is so funny sometimes. He also got a cool hoody and a t-shirt.

Here is Jim opening up the tools that we got him. Charlene said that he needed them. I am all about getting things that people need. I love giving gifts and seeing their expressions as they open them.

Melanie got this beautiful watch set from Aunt Charlene and Uncle Jim. She can change the bands and the little ring for the outside of it. She loved it. She had to have it with her all the way home. She loves the necklace and the earrings that go with it. She asked Jeff and I if she could get her ears pierced. I am surprised, I thought she would not want to.

This is my favorite picture of all. Charlene and Jim got Jeff Star Trek ornaments for his tree. He has a Christmas tree with three Star Trek ornaments already. He got a phaser and the other one has Capt Kirk, Spock and Captain Pike on them from the original series. He is so excited to put up his tree this weekend.

Here is Tasha with her book. She loves to read and she always had some book or magazine in her hands while we were there. I am glad that she likes to read. It is important to like to read.

Here is Charlene taking pictures of the family. It was really great to spend the holidays with my family. I have not gotten to do that for some time. I hope that they have a great holiday.

This is Nana and she loved Jeff's back. She is so cute. She looked so sweet in that picture. I am glad to be home, but I will never take the experience we had in Georgia for granite. Family is forever and should grow.

2009-12-01T10:13:00.008-06:00

On Wednesday November 25Th, Jeff, Luke, Melanie and I started out for Georgia. This was going to be my first Thanksgiving with my sister in years. And her daughter Tasha just had a baby, so we were going to meet Jeffery James Rowley for the first time. This is Jeff driving and their was a beautiful sunrise in Missouri.

Luke and Melanie fell asleep in the back seat of the car. They slept for some time. I think they slept till we got to St. Louis.

This is the Arch in St. Louis. It was absolutely breath taking. I just loved the scenery throughout the trip. It made it so fun.

This was the sky line in Nashville Tennessee, It was so awesome to be driving in the city where so many Country singers got their start.

This is Tasha and little Jeffery. I am so proud of Tasha, she is a good mom. And Jeffery is in good hands. Jeffery James Rowley weighted 7lbs 3 oz and he was 19 inch long.

This is Jeff my husband and I have to tell you that he is eating a green bean cassarole. My husband does not eat green beans ever. So Thanksgiving was a real blessing this year.

This is Jeffery, he is so awake the morning that I was holding him. Look how alert he is. He was such a good baby.

I just could not get enough of him. He loves to cuddle and he loves to be talked to. I really enjoyed my visit with my sister Charlene and Tasha. We got to see Charlene's husband Jim for a couple of day and then he had to get back on the road. I will post our Christmas pictures tomorrow. I hope that all of you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I am so shocked that Christmas is just around the corner. Great to be home and I love to travel, but home is where my heart is. Love all of you and thank you Charlene for all that you did to help us get to your home. Love ya sis.

2009-11-27T16:39:00.003-06:00

This Thanksgiving, Jeff, the kids and I drove to Atlanta Georgia. I am so excited to tell you how awesome time I have had here. I was a little apprehensive at first, but it has been an awesome time. I am connecting with my sister and I have really felt like part of her life. And my niece had her baby and they are doing really well. When I get home I will post a ton of pictures of our Thanksgiving and Christmas. Also, I want to tell you little about our new addition Jeffery James Rowley, he is the most awesome little baby. He sleeps through the night and he feeds well. He does not like to be naked, but he loves to be held. He is a little angel and even Tasha has been doing an awesome job as a mother. She loves her new son and she is taking good care of him.

The scenery on our drive here was absolutely beautiful and I was so intrigued with all of the beauty of our country. I feel so blessed to be in a country with so much beauty. Like I said, I will post pictures when I get back, we are doing fine and we are having fun, love all of you and we hope that you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. God bless all of you. Love Tanya

2009-11-19T09:01:00.004-06:00

Charlene, what I am about to post, please do not be mad???

Most of you know that our family is going to Georgia next week. And this is all possible because my sister and her husband are giving us the money. So, on Monday we received a money order from her. Well, some how during the day the money order was forgotten. And I did not think about it until Tuesday morning.

So, I started to look for it and I could not find it. But most importantly, I could not even recollect where I had placed it. I freaked out and Jeff calmed me down and told me to pray. So, I left for the Pregnancy center and then just broke down before the Lord. In that time of humbleness, I reached out to some sisters in Christ and text them to pray for guidance. As soon as I was done praying, I recollected a book that Luke and Jeff were reading on Monday. I texts Jeff and told him to look in that book.

Well, I got home, Jeff and Luke could not remember the name of the book. And I could not remember the name, but if I seen it, I would recognize it. So, I kept looking, and I went in the bedroom and sat on the bed. I raised my hands to heaven and said, I give up my control, it is all yours God. I reached down to pick up all the books and papers off our bed and there was the book. When I opened it the money order fell out at my feet. I began to cry again and praised God. Then I text all of the sister and thanked them for their prayers.

At that moment, I was so blessed by God and I realized how awesome He really is. He cared about a small piece of paper and it was just as important to Him. WOW, how thankful I feel. I am so blessed to have a sister that really wants to see me, but a God who really wants me to go. And sisters in Christ who were willing to pray, even thought they had no clue to what I was going through. Amen.

2009-11-11T23:16:00.004-06:00

As some of your may or may not know, this week marked the twentieth year of the pulling down of the Berlin Wall in Germany. I was seven months away from seeing this, but Jeff was there when it happened. As Jeff and I were reminded of this awesome event, I could not help but remember my time in Germany. I was so blessed to be in a country that was so old in history and full of beautiful wonders. This tower was in the middle of the town that we lived by. It leaned a little and faced towards a cemetery. We lived outside of a small town called Kitzegen. It was a precious town.

This is me, yes I looked so skinny and young there. Notice the street, it is cobbles stone and their Market place was outside, it was like an out door mall. It was so beautiful. The picture on my header is one of the bridges in this small town. Their bridges were absolutely beautiful.

All the taxi cars were Mercedes and BMW's, it was cool to be able to ride in one of those cars.

This is the entrance to the cemetery. Inside these gates there are very old head stones and burial chambers. The rich history of Germany was all around us as we did all of this site seeing. So this week as you go through your daily task, remember the freedoms and blessing that our America has. We may be a young country, but we have something that no other country has freedom, pride and and our own Constitution. Men and Women are in our military fighting for our freedom and preserving the Constitution. I feel blessed right now to be an American.

Happy 18th Birthday LUKE!!!!!

2009-11-09T22:28:00.006-06:00

Today is a special day for us, our son is now eighteen. I can not believe that he is this old. Where did the time go? Luke's Birthday is November 10th, I am posting early.

This is a picture of Jeff, Luke and I at Chuck E. Cheese. Luke was six months old here. He looks so little.

This is Luke when he was first grade and at Red Oak school.

This is Luke a couple of month ago and he is holding out cat Leix. I am so proud of him and he is growing so fast. Today my son is a man. WOW, I am amazed and really at awe. I love ya Luke and I am so proud of you. Love Mom.

2009-11-04T13:55:00.009-06:00

Yesterday, Jeff and I took the kids to Indian Gully for a nature walk and science day. It was really cool. I realized that my husband was a nature freak to say the least. He was telling the kids his old stories of spending hours in Indian Gully with his friends and going through all the trails and such. The kids had a great time, we even took our dogs, so they could run all over.

Here is a picture of Luke and the dogs above Jeff. They were on the other side of the creek from Melanie and I. They were trying to find some arrow heads.

The trees and all the foliage was in their fall colors and there were leaves every where. I loved the different trees and their mushrooms or left over leaves that are on the trees. I think that one of these trees is a dogwood, it had these awesome thorns on them. Could you imagine those piercing your brow?

Here is Jeff, Melanie and Luke walking a head of me. They were so fast, I sometimes could not keep up with them. And of course, Jeff does not stay on the trail, he wants to explore. He was so funny. He told me after we got home, that he had a great time and he wanted to do it again soon. So I guess we will be taking more walks, that is okay with me. Have you walked in the autumn leave yet? It is fun.

2009-11-01T14:57:00.003-06:00

I love Autumn, it is so unpredictable. Yesterday we were bundling up and cold and today we have our heat off and we have all the windows open. It is so beautiful out with all the leaves all over the place and the trees are bare. I reminds me of my life when it seems to be unscrambled or I am hurting, bare and messed up. And I go through a cold and barren season, but soon the buds come up through the ground and trees began new leaves and I am healed and refreshed. Seasons are so amazing, God just made them like our walks with Him. Each season represents the way we go through trials. He is so amazing.

I have been going through this study called "Lord Teach Me to Pray in 28 Days" by Kay Arthur and it has been so awesome. Yesterdays chapter was "Total Dependence on God" as I was going through this chapter I was struggling a bit with why I do not give my life totally to God. I stopped and started to pray and then I journaled it. I started back with the study and God answered me so quickly, I have abandonment issues from my childhood, so I am really not quick to give my life to Him. I realized that I wanted God more than keeping this issues on my heart, I gave them up to Him and I am going to march forward with God. He is my only life line in this world. I felt so great after I let it go and let God.

Then today the study talked about Asking of the Lord. Here is a quote that Kay gives, "Prayer is the key to Heaven, but faith unlocks the door." Awesome!!! We need to be in prayer always and asking the Lord for help continually. I have also realized that I need to be in the word to learn all of His promises in order to know how to pray more efficiently. I really loved this book and I hope that it will really build up my prayer life. I have been so blessed lately with freedom from bondage, health, friendship, and the relationship I have with my blessed father. I am so looking forward to this season of Thankfulness and the soft reminder of a Savior born to free me from sin. My heart leaps for joy and I am so thankful for every breath I breath. God bless all of you and thank you for reading my rambling. Love Tanya

2009-10-25T09:54:00.007-05:00

Our anniversary was on September 28Th, but with all of the activities that our family has gone through, we were not able to celebrate it. So last night Jeff's family came to our house and we celebrated our anniversary and some October birthdays. This is funny, Jeff and I were blowing out two candles. You would think this would be easy, but no, Jeff leaned over and blew out mine and left his burning. He is such a card sometimes.

I have to be honest with you, when I met Jeff in the Army, we had only known each other for a week when he proposed. I remember the night that he asked me to be his wife. I was in shock, how can I be his wife when I did not know how to be a wife. The examples of marriage for me was not exactly the best. I was so scared, but it is like faith, I knew I loved him so much and I just could not be without him. So I said yes, but I was still not sure. After he left for the states and I was still in Germany, I just felt like someone had took my heart from me, and I knew that it was Jeff that had. So I just had to marry the man who stole my heart.

Now, 19 years later, I still feel the same for Jeff. The love has really matured and I look at Jeff as being more of my best friend than my husband. We laugh more than ever and we still have our moments. But in the end, he is the one I go to for question, a shoulder and support. I am blessed in life with two best friends. My first one is my Lord and my second is my husband. How awesome is that.

This is our brother in law Jr, his birthday is in the beginning of October, so we celebrated his birthday last night. It is so amazing to me how the time has just gone by so much. I remember celebrating birthdays one at a time, but now that our families have grown up, it is hard to get together with everyone. Our kids are now almost on their own and they are producing their own lives.

This is Jeff's dad and Jr on their birthday. Next week is Halloween and then we are looking at the season of Thanksgiving. I am amazed at how this year just flew by and we are almost two months till 2010. It is so fast and my kids are so grown. I love them dearly and I am so proud of them. I cherish each and every event, moment and birthday with our family.

Time is not on our side, but we can full fill the time we have with good memories and love. I am so grateful to the Lord for showing me Love. I would never of known how to love if it was not for him. He has shown me so much and I am so grateful for it. God bless you all.

P/S I wanted to ask for prayer for a couple of things. First, I found out yesterday that a dear friend of my side of the family (Richards side) died on Thursday and she is with the Lord. But her husband who suffered a stroke some years ago is still alive and in a nursing home alone. Please pray for him and his safety. That God wraps him with protection and gives him good nurses to take care of him.

Secondly, Tasha was rushed to the hospital on Friday with contractions every three minutes. It turned out to be a false alarm. But she is really close to having the baby. She is 3.5 cm dilated and on stricked bed rest for two weeks. So just keep her in your prayers.

Thirdly, a dear friend of mine has gone through some hard time in the last week, I just ask that you pray for her and her family. The comfort of our Lord who never leaves us, and the guidance of our Lord through tough decisions. They really just need comfort right now.

And my last prayer request is for another dear friend and her husband. That the Lord would heal, protect and guide through some health and job issues. God is with them and I know they will get what God needs them to get. But just pray for them.

God bless all of you and have a wonderful week. Love Tanya

2009-10-22T20:12:00.003-05:00

I really do not have much to say today, but I love you all and you are all in my prayers. Love Tanya

2009-10-20T14:27:00.003-05:00

God is good all the time. I just went and seen my Doctor for a check up and I am not longer going to have to see him. I am completely healed. I can not lift anything 25pounds or heavier. But I am completely healed and on the mend. I feel so good and I can not believe how awesome God is. Thank you so much for all of your prayers and so much for God and His ultimate healing power. I love all of you and I will write more later. Love Tanya

2009-10-19T18:11:00.004-05:00

Ever since I have left the hospital, I have been so amazed at how the Lord is working in my life. It seems that Jeff and I are closure and we are really working on our relationship. Of course it is so nice that he is now on day shift. And I am closure to Melanie and Luke and more focused this year on school. But most of all, I am seeing God more clearer. I have been getting up at five thirty in the morning and spending that time with God. I am seeing Him with such excitement and love. I really see how awesome He is and His word is awesome. I pray for the season that all of you just sit back and just bask in God's word. Notice the creation around you and the peace that fills your family. He is so awesome and so much wanting to get closure to you and me. What a beautiful day we had and I am so blessed to have blogger friends like you all. God bless you and have a wonderful evening. Love Tanya

2009-10-15T12:48:00.003-05:00

Our women's group is doing this book called "Learn to pray in 28 days" by Kay Arthur. At first I was a little apprehensive in reading this book. I started reading it and I have just loved it. Kay talks about the Lord's Prayer, she is dissecting it and I am really looking at the prayer differently. But it was the awesome revelation that I received from doing this study. Here is what I received.

"Our Father which art in Heaven, hallow be my name. thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen"

So here is the revelation that I was given, I need to worship the Father who is in heaven, Not only his character, but His name above all. That His word does not just make promises for the coming Heaven, but also how to live on earth. The daily bread is the Father's word, debts are my unforgiveness and debtors are those that I have not forgiven. The Father will keep me from temptation and deliver me from evil. For God gave His kingdom, His power and His glory to me if I choose to claim them all through the acceptance of Jesus Christ. I have never looked at the scriptures like that and it really blessed my heart to see God's word differently.

Kay Arthur also sets up The Lord's Prayer as a guide line that we should use to pray to the Father. Worship, praise, petition, submission, praise and worship. It is awesome to see it so differently. I believe that it has caused me to look at all the prayers in the bible differently. I hope that this has not just been ramble and that you take the time to look at God's word for yourself. It is really awesome. God bless all of you and I love you from Tanya

2009-10-10T10:53:00.003-05:00

This morning I was getting up and ready for the women's group that I attend. As I was getting ready I kept thinking I should pull out my winter coat. I put on my coat, grabbed my bible and purse and opened the door and look what I saw. I was not very happy about this, it is too early in the year for this. And it is cold, it is kind of sleeting a little out there. But it is not really slick. So, this morning I was given the book for our next bible study. We are going to do "Lord Teach Me To Pray" by Kay Arthur. I am really excited about this. I am really ready for a new study. I am also reading "The Sovereign Spirit, Discerning His Gifts" by Martyn Lloyd-Jones. It has been a really good book so far.

It is really weird to see leaves falling from the trees and snow falling at the same time. I can not believe that all the leaves are not off the trees yet. Well, I hope all of you have an awesome weekend and a blessed fall. God bless you and I love ya, Tanya

2009-10-09T08:25:00.004-05:00

For the first three days of my stay in the hospital, I had this intense headache. At first I thought it was due to the surgery. When I told the nurse about it, she said I was coming down off of caffeine and that is why I had a headache. I sat there and thought, "my land, if this is from caffeine, I must of been hooked bad." It donned on me that I had created so many bad habits for myself, so I have not drank anything with carbonation or caffeine. My stomach is not blotted anymore and I am feeling less gassy if you know what I mean. I have also tried to stay away from the artificial sweeteners. I have not craved food since I got out of the hospital and I have cooked every night. It has been awesome, but last night we went over to see family and we did not leave till about nine. Jeff said we should just pick up something. So, we went to Subway, you know it was so healthy and delicious. I also have notice that I am not eating as much as I used to. Now I have to confess, I have a candy bar every once in a while, but it is not like I used to be. I used to have to have one every day.

Three months before my surgery a friend came into the center and she was reading this health book. It was telling of the dangers of artificial sweeteners. It was saying that artificial sweeteners has caused people to crave food. Not to mention the embalming fluid that is in them. I have also realized that the gifts from God have to be acted on, like lets take joy for a moment, we can pray and pray and pray about receiving joy. But bottom line is you just know you have it from God, you have to pull it out of yourself and then just keep praising God for the joy that He has given you. I have found this with Self Control, He has given it to me, I can not just sit there and keep praying to Him for it or I need to act on it. Since I have come to that revelation, I am not afraid of food anymore, and I know I can with God's help, break the fear of the thirty pounds. The fear is that when I hit thirty pounds, I will stop and gain it all back plus some. It does not exist anymore, With God I can do all things through Him that Strengthens me. I am free, and you can too. He has given you the gift in Galatians 5:22-23 and in Ephesians 6 He has given you the offense and defense to protect the gifts that He has given you. He is so prepared for us, we just have to grab it. It is so awesome to be free. I sit here fifteen pounds lighter and I plan to keep going. I feel great and I am blessed. I love all of you and God bless you, from Tanya.

2009-10-05T18:38:00.004-05:00

Wow, I can not believe that this year is going so fast. It is already the 5Th of October. I have not been posting because Jeff's aunt decided that it was time to go to the Nursing home, so Jeff and his family have been cleaning her apartment. I have been here trying to support Jeff and making sure that he has his supper and things set up when he comes home. He has been really tired. This is such a big decision, not just for Jeff's aunt, but for his mom also. She has been dealing with things, just pray for her. I have been feeling so good, so good in fact, I have moved furniture, changed curtains and looking at some painting projects. It is driving Jeff crazy that I will not stay down. I have to say, I have felt awesome. I have also been back into my bible, I am currently reading 2 Chronicles and I am loving it. I love the fact that Solomon asked for wisdom instead of riches or more territory. It is so awesome. The word of God is so fulfilling and I am seeing so much from it. I hope to keep going and soon read straight through the bible. I have taken some bunny trails, but I think I needed to. I hope that all of you are having a wonderful Autumn and enjoying this crisp air. It is so refreshing. Have an awesome evening and days to come, love ya from Tanya

2009-10-01T09:07:00.004-05:00

Well, I had another doctor's appointment Tuesday and all is going great. All the staples are out and I am on the mend. God is so good, the doctor keeps making comments like "On normal cases where the women is large, I would of had to open her up at least two times now and re staple her." or "I can not believe how healthy you look and how well you are healing."
Well, Dr Grass, it is God!!!!! All the way with him, ya know. I am feeling so good, I asked Jeff to take a walk around the block with me yesterday. It was so good. I felt so good. It can be dangerous to feel so good, because it makes me want to get up and do lots of work. The house needs help. And I know that my family is doing what they can to keep it clean, but it is not up to what I want. So, I keep getting up and trying to do things. Not good when Jeff is home.

I have been sitting here, reading some of my favorite blogs and really seeing what God is doing in lots of peoples lives. I am impressed by Susan's blog this week that talks about Character building and life skills. This is really important and I am glad to be reminded of that. I read Nana's blog about Joy and happiness, and yes, we have to reach for it and come out of ourselves to help people around us. And then I read Lori's blog about the growth of her daughters and how they are becoming independent and wanting to blaze their trails in this world. Awesome, I am so impressed by the different paths that we are all on. Parsley, I love your blog and it is such a wonderful reminder of activities and family, healing and love. And of course Papa and Mama's blog, you are so in my prayers this week and God is surrounding you during this time of uncertainty. I am so blessed by the people that I am surrounded by and I hope and pray that during your journeys, there will be growth, love, peace, patients and joy. God bless all of you and thanks for inviting me on your journey. Love ya, from Tanya

2009-09-29T07:08:00.004-05:00

Yesterday was Jeff and my 19th wedding anniversary. We did not do anything. I am kind of down right now physically and some mentally. I guess I am trying to rush healing a little bit. But, I have to say that I do feel so much better than I have in a long time. I find myself being more aware of my bodies needs and I think this has made me realize the destruction that I had given this temple of Gods. But I am well and I am thankful to be able to share another year with Jeff and the kids. Most of all, I want to be in tip top shape for the trip to Georgia in November for the arrival of my new great Nephew Jeffery Jay. I am so excited for this and I will be celebrating Thanksgiving with my sister and family. I have not spend a holiday with any of my family for some time. I think the last Thanksgiving with Charlene was when we were little. I can not remember. I did get to spend Christmas with my mother in 1999. That was my last holiday with her. I am so excited though and I just want to be on the mend. So thanks for those prayers and I hope all of you have an awesome week. Love Tanya

Update

2009-09-23T08:39:00.003-05:00

Well, yesterday Jeff took me to see the surgeon who had done the procedure last week. When I left the hospital on Friday, Dr. Grass had told me that when I seen him on Tuesday, he would probably have to open up the wound at the bottom and clean it out from the infection and re staple it. So, yesterday, Jeff and I went to the doctor and he came in and looked at the wound. He started to press on my belly and got gauze and long q tips. After a while and four gaze pieces later, he looked at me and said, wow, that was not what I had expected. He then had the nurse pull out ever other stable and he said it looked good. He did not have to reopen it or re staple. He wants to see me next week, but he is really impressed about how healthy it looks. It is God, he has healed me and I tell ya, I have not felt so good in my life. I am eating well, I get to walk around the block today and I am up cleaning my house. I even got to sleep in my bed last night. I have been sleeping on the over sized chair in our living room. I have been so blessed to have such a wonderful group of people around me. I have talked to my dad every day and my sister every other day. Plus, Jeff's family has been so awesome. I have been healed and now that I look upon the last two years of health problems, I wonder if this was part of God's plan. He needed to rid my body of this infection. I really believe there were lots of signs, right side pain every once in a while, bowl problems, an over sized uterus, etc. I am now healed and I am looking at some different roads to take. I have been praying for guidance and I have seen things different. Thanks for your prayers and I am so glad that I am here to write this to you. ha ha. Love Tanya

The Climb

2009-09-22T07:04:00.004-05:00

I really prayed about this before I posted it, but I have to tell ya that I believe in my heart that God uses many people to talk to me. This is no exception, Melanie and I watched this movie, which I believe has a really great message. But it was this song that really brought tears to my eyes. I assure you that Miley does not talk about God, but as I was hearing this song, I was visualizing my walk with God. And one thing that is stated is that it is not about what is on the other side, it has everything to do with the climb. I believe that in all paths that I have taken, it was that I find it all joy through my trials, James 1:7. As I was going through that trial or path, I was growing closure to God, letting Him change my life. The refiners fire as it is put so many times in the word. And He is my only hope to see the other side, but I guarantee you, that I will not be the same person on this side of that climb as I am on that other side. It was just an awesome song and although I am not a big Hannah Montana fan, I find it interesting that we are all seeking something and if we look hard enough and just except the journey we will realize that all road will lead to God.

What a week I had

2009-09-20T06:30:00.003-05:00

Well, I have to tell ya, I never know what life will throw at me and this is a dossier. Early Sunday morning of last week, I think that was the thirteenth. I woke up with aching stomach mussel's and vomiting. I thought at first twenty four hour flu or maybe I pulled stomach mussels from the lifting the boxes of books the day before. I stayed down all day and I had a heating pad on. I also noticed that I was running a low grade temp. It was not until Monday when it all would come to a head, I woke up Monday with sharp right pain. I did a few things and the pain become more intense. About eleven o'clock in the morning the pain was so intense that it caused me to be light headed, sweaty and I threw up everywhere and the the pain shot to my right side to the back area. After this moment the pain dulled down and I took a bath and went and layed down on a heading pad. Periodically, I took my temperature because I felt so cold. It would read, 99.3, 99.5 then it shot to the 100's. By six o'clock it was 101.3. I decided that it was time to do something so I called Jeff's mom and dad and they took me to the ER. Well, I had an acute appendix attack and later on I found out that it had burst, that eleven o'clock time was when it happened. So they rushed me in to surgery and found out that my whole abdomen area was infected and my right side ovaries and Fallopian tube. They kept everything except the bursted appendix and cleaned me out. I have to tell you this may sound so intense, but the whole time my constant was God and he showed me every step of the way that he was with me. One of the ER nurses was my old boss, the nurse that took me to surgery was a dear friend Lori Lewis and she was with me the whole time. The very next day God gave me strength to get out of bed right away and start walking around and doing my own tasks. He gave me nourishment even though I was just eating ice chips for two day and he got me out of the hospital sooner than the doctor had anticipated. He was the one who held me up and he even spoke to me while I was in the hospital. He told me things before they happened and it helped to take away discouragement. This was a busy week and I am so glad to be home with my family. I have been home since Friday, but today was the first time I felt comfortable enough to type. I have also been babysat extremely hard to not bend and clean house. What can I say, it is hard not to do things around the house. God is good and I am on the mend, I feel even better than I did before I went in. I think I have been sick more than I know, I am more energetic and I feel stronger now.

Build a Bear Workshop

2009-09-14T06:26:00.017-05:00

Saturday Melanie, Cara and I went to Des Monies to drop off a van full of book to the Iowa Right to Life. Every year one in the spring and one in the fall, the IRLC has a book sale. All the proceeds to the sell goes to Pregnancy centers all over Iowa. If you would like to hear more about this story go to here.

After we dropped off the books and did some other errands Cara, Craig and I took Melanie to build a bear. Melanie received money from my parents for her birthday and she wanted to do something special with it. So we took her to Jordon Creek Mall, I loved this mall.

Here is Melanie picking out the bear that she wanted. She choose this cute little tan bear. They had so much to choose from. I was so impressed with the selections.

Here the build a bear worker is filling up the bear with stuffing, Melanie is actually pressing the foot pedal to let all the stuffing in her bear. It was interesting.

The worker had Melanie do several things, I am not sure what she is doing in the this picture. Melanie is doing some kind of dance or something.

In this picture Melanie is warming the heart, rubbing the heart on her face and several other fun activities to get the little heart a pumping before they place it in the bear. I wonder, does God hold each one of our hearts before he places it in our chest?

Now Melanie is going to shop for some clothes for her new bear. She pretty much knew what she wanted before we got there. So she is focused on what she had planned.

This is Craig helping Melanie with the bear. There was so many items to choose from. I could not help but feel overwhelmed. Just imagine how a small child feels. WOW.

Melanie almost has her little bear dressed. He is coming along really good.

Well, look it there, I would like to introduce Mario Ross, She was so excited about this little guy. She had loads of fun, but she is not done yet.

Now she had to get on the computer and type in his information for the birth certificate and to register him in the build a bear website.

These workers are singing happy birthday to Melanie and Mario. It was pretty sweet, then they place her bear in a box and the birth certificate and they were off.

Here is Melanie all smiles about her new friend and making him. This was one special birthday for her. She is now really excited to have a new little friend. Melanie also was able to spend the day with cousin Craig. It was so neat to see the oldest grandchild hang with the youngest. They sure love each other. All in all, it was lots of fun and she paid for all of it herself. She loved it.

Happy 12th Birthday Melanie

2009-09-07T11:26:00.008-05:00

"I Love you every minute of every day, my beautiful daughter"

I looked at you today

and saw the same beautiful eyes

that looked at me with love.

When you were a baby

I looked at you today

and saw the same beautiful mouth

that made me cry when you first smiled at me when you were a baby.

It was not long ago that I held you in my arms, long after you fell asleep and I just kept rocking you all night long.

I looked at you today and saw my beautiful daughter no longer a baby, but a beautiful person with full range of emotions and feelings and ideas and goals.

Every day is exiting as I continue to watch you grow and I want you to always know that in good and in bad times, I will love you. And that no matter what you do or how you think or what you say, you can depend on my support, guidance, friendship and love every minute of every day. I love being your mother. by Susan Polis Schutz

Melanie, you are so sweet and I am happy that you are twelve today, but I am sad, because you are growing so fast. So I plane to enjoy every minute of every day with you and love the growth that you will do. Love you so much from Mom.

2009-09-02T23:08:00.009-05:00

I came on my blog tonight and I was a little surprised by the last date that I posted. It seemed like the time just slipped away. I guess I just have not had much to talk about. I have been in the word much and the Lord has been showing me some awesome directions. I hope that I will be able to share it soon. But until I am ready, I am going to post some pictures of my kids. Enjoy. These children are my nieces Jasmine, Brooke, and our son Luke and our soon to be twelve year old daughter Melanie.

This is a picture of our son Luke on his official birthday and mom. I look really tired in that picture.

This is a picture of my little girl Melanie on her first day out of the womb. I am not sure, but she does not look to happy about this. And do not ask me why I am holding the nose plug, I can not remember that far.

This is my mom Dorothy Mae. She actually lived with Jeff and I for a short time. It is the last picture of her that I have. This is Christmas and Jeff's parents house. I am not sure when this was taken, but a couple of years after this picture my mother died, very suddenly. We were not that close, I have to say, it was mainly because I wanted a fairly tale mother. Mom is not without her faults also, but I could of thought differently. I realize now how much I love her and I miss her so deeply. Her birthday is this month and I have been thinking about her much.

This is Luke and Melanie on Easter. I have to tell you, I am so blessed to have two children that love one another and they take care of each other. I love the way they help each other out and they are always kind to each other. They are the best of friends. I love this picture, Luke told Jeff and I when I found out I was pregnant that he knew the baby was a little sister. He was so right.

This is my last picture. This is a picture of my sister Charlene on the left and myself on the right. See, my mother loved Christmas. That was the time in my life where I seen my mom shine. Almost all of my pictures are of Christmas, I miss that about her and I tend to carry on her tradition. See, Christmas is more to me than just packages or music. It is Jesus, and most of all family. I love ya Charlene, I know that you are reading this on face book. I am so glad that you and I are working on a better relationship and I hope and pray for our present and our future. I hope all of you enjoyed the pictures, they are dear people that touch my heart always. God bless you.

where I am right now.

2009-08-14T14:42:00.003-05:00

When Jeff and I were first married, we both worked. I had really never thought about staying home and taking care of the kids. And most of all, think about home schooling the kids. So about a couple of years ago, God directed Jeff to bring the kids home and I would home school them. I have to say I was not to happy about this, but in time with prayer and direction from God, that is what we did. I was still working third shift full time and home schooling the kids. Then eventually God directed us to have me quit my job and stay with the kids full time. So, here I am a stay at home mom home schooling my children. Now, I am facing another bend in the road. Jeff's job had laid Jeff off at least two days during the month, Jeff works twelve hour days and that leaves us loosing about four hundred dollars a month. Less than we are used to. Jeff and I have looked at our finances, what we can get rid of and what we can be without. Food also has been a problem, so we are using the areas necessities. Jeff and I even talked about me going back to work. This is an area that I never want to focus on, but if we have to then I will obey.

So, why do I share this with you? Well here is my answer, faith, I have realized during this season of our life that God said that he would provide all of our needs. And he has done just that, the house is okay, we are not at the point where there is a foreclosure. We do have clothes and God has provided what we need. And food, there is food coming at us in all directions. As far as finances, Jeff has gotten more day at work and he is making more than we would of even expected. I believe that when I let all control go back to God and just trusted that he would full fill his word, He was able to work in our finances. My faith is really growing through all of this and I would like to share a scripture that God showed me the other day in my daily reading that really touched my heart.

"But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them the diligently seek him." Hebrew 11:6

I diligently seek him in my life, I may not be perfect, which everyday I strive to be. But I diligently love him and seek his word everyday. That is all I need to have faith, and I want to please him, I love him so much. This has meant so much to me. His word is such a comfort for my heart.

I know that we are not the only ones going through this, but I assure you that He will get you through this season, and most of all be opened to what He asks of you. God bless all of you.

A beautiful day with family

2009-08-02T22:21:00.011-05:00

Today Jeff's family attended their family reunion in Corning, Iowa. We went to the American Veterans building and had a wonderful lunch with family. These are wonderful people and they take their family very serious. Here over in the glass is a Nazi uniform and a American bomber jacket. It was really awesome.

This lady sitting next to Jeff is a great aunt, her name is Ada. She does all the genealogy for the family. She has mounds of paper work and pictures. And she tells the most fascinating stories about the family. She is really interesting and she has told Jeff's sister Teresa and I that she will put a book together for both of us about our specific family. That will be awesome.

The man in this next picture with the blue shirt and the beard has an interesting story. This is Jeff's cousin Mr. Dillinger. Yes, I said that right, we are related to John Dillinger, the mobster. John Dillinger married Duane's aunt Fern. That was really weird. But you never really know your family tree.

These are pictures of Icaria in Corning. This was the first time that I have ever been to the lake. It is the most beautiful lake that I have seen. It really made me feel homesick. The two ladies walking away from me are Jeff's mom and sister. They were walking hand and hand. It was really neat to see. The wind came up a little and the lake looked like a million diamonds on it. It was beautiful and it was a great day. I hope that all of you had a wonderful weekend.

2009-07-30T14:34:00.006-05:00

I have been intrigued by my friend Lori, she has shown some awesome pictures off of her blog. The other night I made a slide show full of pictures of my sister in law and brother in law. They celebrated their 18Th wedding anniversary and I wanted to give them something to cherish for times to come. It turned out so awesome that I could not believe that I was even capable of making one. I already have an order from my parents to make them one for their twenty fifth wedding anniversary. So, thanks Lori for the inspiration. I also like to thank Lori for her idea with the magazine pictures. I have been writing more in my journal.

Well, the point of this post is to tell you that since I read about Lori's gift of photography, I have been looking at the way I take pictures. Last night Luke, Mel and I went for a walk and I took these pictures. I did some in black and white and some in colored. I love the picture of these flowers, do not ask me how I did that. But it looks really cool.

We have a town square, and around this time of year it is full of flowers. This is off one of the light post that surround the water fountain. I was lucky to get this shot with the kids. They are always in such a hurry to go no where. I really loved the smell of the flowers and the look of them.

These are blacked Susan's. I love yellow flowers. Especially sunflowers. I took pictures of them in color and then in black and white. They turned out really good. I am so blessed to be able to walk in the town and take pictures. Creation surrounds me every where I go. I hope that you enjoy these pictures. God bless all of you.

Give all the glory to God.

"Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth." III John 2

My family and the fair.

2009-07-16T11:32:00.008-05:00

This week the Pregnancy Center is at the fair. I was faced with some personal challenges this week and I felt fear come upon me. I was not sure that I could do this. I sat down one morning and just prayed to the Lord and gave him the task of bringing helpers my way. And I was so blessed by all the people who have come to me or have said yes when I have asked.

Most of all, I was blessed by my family. I feel so secure and loved this week by Jeff and the kids. We all set up the both and then Luke has taken some of the time slots to sit at the booth. I am so blessed that my family has just as much conviction in this ministry as I do. It is awesome.

I love this picture of my children. They are the best of friends. They love each other and they take care of one another. Luke is a great big brother and Melanie just adores him. I am so proud of both of them. God has awesome ministries for both of them.

At the end of this week, I will post more pictures and let you know maybe some awesome testimonies from young women. I am so blessed to know Jesus and be his servant. It is amazing to me the women who come to me with awesome stories of courage and strength. I am amazed. God bless all of you, and happy fair week.

2009-07-10T20:48:00.005-05:00

"The torture of a bad conscience is the hell of a living Soul." John Calvin

I have been doing training for my certificate in counseling. I guess when I walked into the study I did not realize that it was going to penetrate my heart. I have been going through some major break through just by doing this study. The writer of the curriculum is really hitting the bible with an arrow to a target.

See, what I am trying to tell you is this. You can not council someone to save them. You counsel with intent to let God lead. If you are not right with God, you will be nothing to that lady. I need to let the Holy Spirit clean house for me. I need him to go into places of my heart that I have let cobwebs and dust build. I need to be humble, having unconditional love, being genuine and be full of empathy, not humanly but Godly.

"And herein do I exercise myself to have always a conscience void of offence towards, God and man." Acts 24:16

And most of all, I need to have a clean conscience. If this does not happen, I am already defeated. See, these women who come into the center need me to listen, to feel their pain, to understand in a Godly manner, what they are going through. If I am hung up on personal things I am good to no one. My mind has to be hung on the Cross, focused on the one who hung there for me. I have to eat, feel, touch, see the works and blessings of God. This is really important and this has placed me in an area of my life that has me wondering how far God is going to take me if I sit back and let Him.

"counsel in the heart of man is like deep waters; but a man of understanding will draw it out." Proverbs 20:5

"Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me: thy rod and thy staff they comfort me." Proverbs 23:4

God is always with me, as long as I place Him first in my life and heart. It is not a matter of my life any more, it is a matter of another. Where does God fit in your life right now?

2009-07-03T10:54:00.003-05:00

Hello everyone, I just wanted to tell all of you Happy Fourth of July and I hope that all is well.

This is a picture of Melanie, my daughter. She did a play with some other little girls about our freedom and forefathers. It was a great play. If you would like to see more pictures go to this blog.

And then Luke, Mel, Jasmine, Ricky, Bonnie, Dana, Tianna and I were in the Juction Days Parade. I have posted all that information on the Pregnancy Center blog.

I have been really busy with the upcoming fair. We ordered the booth, the pens, the grocery bags and the magnets for the booth. I am really excited for the fair. In September, we will be having a chamber coffee at the center. It is going to be awesome. So, I have been busy. In a couple of days, I want to post somethings that I have been going through. I want some more time to pray about it. I love all of you and I hope you all have a wonderful holiday celebrating our freedom.

Not what I expected

2009-06-23T19:39:00.003-05:00

I am sitting here in front of my computer thinking about what to say. I have a hundred things strolling in my mind. But honestly not one of them is something I want to share. I have really had a hard time expressing my self in words lately. I am not sure why, I love to write, I love journal writing. But honestly, I am not sure what I expect. Maybe it is not about what I want, but what He wants. I am reading a book right now called, "The Ragamuffin Gospel." I guess sometimes my day become mundane and I am not sure what I need from it. "Why am I afraid to dance? I love rhythm and music, grace, song and laughter. I want to raise my arms in the air and yell I am free, I am free. Twirl around and smell the air. But I do not, I stand straight and I do not move. I mourn relationships and I say good-bye to loved ones. But what about in between? What do I do, how do I live? I have to live for God, I have to further God's kingdom, not that I have too, but that I desire too. I want it more than breath, or air, or sky, or creation, but to feel Him in my heart and dancing with me.

Feeling the safety of His arms and the thoughts melting away from me. I looking at Him and He looking at me, the creator, the ultimate provider. He is everything, Not what I expected in life, but He is there and He waits for me to be there also. Amen

2009-06-14T15:10:00.010-05:00

What a wonderful day to worship the Lord!!!!!!

Some people will Worship through fellowship. This was taken a couple of years ago at my Dad and Step Mothers house. Dad, Sandee my Stepmom, me, Melanie, Dad's best friend Terry, My sister Charlene and her daughter Tasha.

And this is my little brother Byron and his family, Karleen, Amanda and Josh. Are they not so sweet.

Some people will worship Him with Prayer, 1 Thess 5:17

Some people will worship with song. This song is the most beautiful song. I know that the lyrics will come up on the screen, but you have to see them laid out.

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this Solid Ground
Firm through the fierest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My conforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
Till on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious day
Up from the grave He arose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
THis is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
Till he returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I stand

We sing this at our Home Church all the time, it is a really awesome worship song. Have an awesome day of worship in any way that you do it. God bless you all.